The End
by MaisyVonMayhem
Summary: This started off as a one-shot and just kept going. An alternative take on events after 'The End'. Deb finds out that she plays a crucial role in the apocalypse, and finds herself getting closer to Castiel... Cas/OC
1. The Beginning of the End

The Beginning of the End

Note: This is a different take on 'The End' and, breaking my one-shot rule in style, this will probably be the first of about 3 or 4 parts.

Deb stared at the mass of glistening, writhing flesh on the bed appalled. She had asked Chuck for directions to Cas's hut, not the local brothel. Trying to block the sound of satisfied moaning out she stepped backwards towards the door. Something about one of the faces was familiar though, and she couldn't help but look closer. The face she'd picked out definitely resembled Cas. It was when he opened his eyes and looked straight at her that she knew she was in the right hut. Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable; it was like she'd just walked in on her parents. The women, who were now all staring at her, momentarily distracted her and so she didn't notice that Cas had left the bed and was standing next to her, utterly naked.

Clamping a hand over her eyes, she waved at him, "Jesus, clothes Cas!" She heard him stumbling around for a few seconds and when she looked back he was standing in front of her, clad in jeans. "Better?"

She stared at him, "Yes, Cas, it's better. Now just pull out that nifty little trench coat I know you've still got around here somewhere and I might even start to feel comfortable again".

Chuckling to himself he quickly pulled on a top and turned to the women, "Excuse me, ladies. Today's session is over, I have some business to attend to."

Deb sat down in a wicker chair in the centre of the room, as she watched the women leave. _Six women? _She thought. _The Cas I know can barely work a cell phone, let alone keep six women occupied for that long. _She tried to stop her mind going down the path it was sprinting towards, but failed. _Hell, I don't even think I could keep six women occupied in bed, let alone make them happy. And he obviously was making them happy, judging by the sounds anyway. He must have mad skills in the sack…_

She buried her face in her hands, trying to shake the offending thoughts out of her mind. When she looked up he was sitting across from her, a wide smile on his face. She narrowed her eyes, "Don't look at me like that, Cas. It's perfectly normal for me to be thinking what I'm thinking after seeing that."

He looked confused for a second and then his smile grew even wider. Deb blinked and then sighed, resting her head on her hand again, "You didn't know what I was thinking about, right?"

"Actually, no. But thanks for clarifying." He leaned back in his chair, still grinning. "Truth is, I can't read your thoughts anymore. However much I might want to."

Deb closed her eyes, offering a silent prayer to whichever deity might be listening at the current moment. The absurdity of what she'd just seen hit her like a wave and before she knew it she'd moved across to sit next to the man she had formerly known as Cas and they were both laughing, "What the hell did I just see? What happened to you?"

He stared at her with those unmistakable blue eyes, and shrugged, "Life, I guess. I'm not an angel anymore, Deb. I wasn't for a long time, to be honest. Not really. My powers slowly faded away, until there was just nothing there anymore. I'm mortal."

She shook her head, "How is that even possible?"

"I don't know for sure, " he shrugged again, "maybe it was something to do with the other angels leaving. Maybe it was to do with everything I went through …" he looked at her, and shook his head, "I _felt_ too much to be an angel, Deb, things started to get to me. Like I said, I stopped really being an angel a long time before I lost the last of my powers."

Deb sensed there was so much he wasn't telling her, but kept her mouth shut. She watched as he picked up an open bottle of vodka and took a swig before offering it to her. Gratefully she accepted, and relished the feeling of the liquid burning down her throat. She smiled, "So, if you don't mind me asking, Cas, who was it that introduced you to the more, er, carnal pleasures in life?" She laughed, and raised the bottle to her lips again.

"You."

Deb choked as the liquid poured into her lungs, coughing, bent over on the chair while he just stared at her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shock you."

Deb wiped at her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt, "Are you joking? If you knew the Cas I know, you wouldn't be so shocked that _I'm_ so shocked."

"I _was_ the Cas you know. I'm well aware of what he… of how I came across back then." He stared down at his hands, and then reached across for the vodka.

Deb felt instantly embarrassed at her reaction, "I didn't mean anything by it, Cas. It's just I can't imagine that happening. I'm pretty sure Cas, my Cas I mean, thinks I'm really weird and possibly a bit scary."

"Things were very difficult for me back then Deb. The main thing I felt was overwhelming anger. I was angry with Sam and Dean mostly. I fell and they failed and Lucifer was freed anyway." He sighed.

"We did the best we could, Cas. Also, you should remember that you were under Zachariah's thumb up until about 15 minutes before Lucifer rose; maybe if you'd manned up sooner we might've stood more of a chance." She stared at him, grinding her teeth slightly.

"You think I didn't realise that? I was angry with myself as well. Angry at my weakness."

Deb grasped the vodka bottle and raised it resolutely to her lips. She felt drunk already, but she figured that if maybe she kept her mouth busy she wouldn't be able to say anything else massively hurtful or offensive.

Cas stared at her, and for a moment it was like being back in her time, with her Cas, "I know what you're thinking. 'Me and my big mouth', right?" He smiled slightly, "It was your big mouth that kept me going back then."

Deb frowned and raised her eyebrows.

"Ok, that came out wrong. What I mean is, you kept me calm, you made me believe in myself. You were always so, passionate, so …righteous, in a way I never was. You never let me believe for a moment that I'd made the wrong decision."

She laughed, "Thanks, Cas. I've been called a lot of things over the years, but righteous is a new one."

Relaxing slightly and leaning back in the chair he grinned, "Well, I aim to please." She gestured with the vodka bottle, indicating the small amount of liquid remaining, and he reached across for it, "So, which part of my past are you from exactly?"

"Well, a couple of weeks ago, we thought you were going to die; you were going to have a big showdown with some archangel, Raphael. So, Dean, in his wisdom, was adamant that you were not going to die a virgin and he took you to a brothel." She took the bottle back and downed the rest of the vodka, "From what I heard, it didn't work out so well." She grinned, "If I'd have known that you were really just saving yourself for me, I could have saved you a trip."

Cas looked distracted, "So, that means that Sam isn't with you? Dean sent him away, right? Have you heard from him?"

Deb shook her head, "It was Dean's fault, the guy can be a real dick sometimes. You know that though. I haven't spoken to Sam since he left, Dean won't let me. Even friggin' confiscated my cell." She rolled her eyes.

"You need to make him understand, Deb. It's not good for you to be apart." He was leaning forward in his chair again, one hand resting on her knee.

Glancing at his hand, she turned her gaze on him and raised her eyebrows. Seeing that he wasn't going to take the hint, she brushed his hand away and stood up, "Ok, I'll remember that." She walked towards a small bookcase in the corner and ran a hand over some of the battered leather spines, "Hey, Cas, am I around here somewhere?" She turned and tucked her hair behind her ears, "I'd love to know what future me is like."

"No. You're not here. You're in Detroit." He wasn't looking at her, again.

"Oh right. Is there another camp there or something?" Her eyes narrowed as he started to pick at the stitches on a cushion. "Cas, what is it that you're not telling me?"

He sighed, and threw the cushion aside, "You're in Detroit. With Sam."

Deb swallowed hard, "Great. So, I'm dead then. Right? Dean, _now_ Dean, said that Sam died in Detroit. So…"

"That was a lie. Sam's not dead. He's a vessel. He said yes."

Deb stormed through the camp, dimly aware of Cas running behind her, struggling to keep up. She passed Chuck again, who gaped at her, and dived quickly out of her way before she bowled him over. She could hear Cas calling her name, telling her to stop. She almost laughed as she remembered all the times she'd argued with Cas; it was always really difficult to get away from him when she was in a bad mood, he tended to just beam himself down in front of her and block the exit until she'd calmed down. Finally, breaking into a clearing surrounded by trees, she turned on him, "I don't fucking believe you Cas. Why would Sam do that?"

"Because of Dean! Maybe he could understand where Lucifer was coming from. Think about it, Lucifer's brother turned away from him, just like Dean turned away from Sam. He was angry. You were with him when it happened, because you disagreed with what Dean had done to him." Cas had his hands raised in surrender.

"Well, what about me, Cas? You don't even know if I'm dead or alive! Didn't anyone ever try and find me?" She turned away from him, feeling tears of frustration flood down her cheeks, "It's great to know how much people really care about me!"

"We did try to find you, Deb. We just couldn't." He was sitting on a log now, staring at the floor. As she looked at him, shoulders slumped, face downcast, she recognised something of the old Cas in him. Her Cas always looked sad, as if he was puzzled as to how his life had ended up the way it had. Shaking her head she walked towards him and knelt in front of him, "Cas, how do I stop this? When I go back, what do I do to make sure this doesn't happen?" Her ears were ringing, and the noise seemed to be getting louder, until it was like a kettle whistling insider her head. She placed a hand on the side of her face and squeezed her eyes shut.

"I wish I knew, Deb. I really do. But being apart is not the answer." She was dimly aware of his answer, but was distracted by the high-pitched buzzing sound. _What is happening to me? _She clamped her hands over her ears, but the ringing continued, growing in volume, until suddenly everything went silent. _That's it,_ Deb thought, _I've gone deaf. I told Dean that he shouldn't listen to his music so loud in the car, and now I'm deaf. I'm going to kill him. _

"You are starting to become a real nuisance, young lady." Deb instantly wished she had gone deaf. Opening her eyes she looked up to see Zachariah standing over her, shaking his head. "You were not supposed to be there, I told you that. It was an administrative error. I told you not to speak to anyone, not to touch anything, and what do you go and do the minute I leave you to your own devices." He stepped away from her, looked up as if considering what he should do next. "I've just about had enough of you. No, in fact, I have had more than enough of you and, I'm afraid, your lesson ends here." He moved a lot faster than he looked like he could, and she could only squeeze her eyes shut again, as he lunged towards her, a vicious looking knife aimed directly at her heart.

When she opened her eyes a few seconds later, she was surprised not to find herself bleeding to death. She was surprised to find herself standing on a grass verge by the side of an empty road, with Castiel, safely back in his trench-coat, standing beside her. Laughing she threw herself at the angel and wrapped her arms round him, totally ignoring his obvious discomfort at the gesture. "Cas, did I ever tell you that you are awesome?" She stared up at him, arms still wrapped around his waist.

"Er, no." His eyes darted wildly from side to side, landing anywhere but on her face.

"Well, you are, totally fucking awesome!" She moved away from him, throwing her hands out to the sides as she gesticulated wildly, "You are not going to believe what just happened. I've been to the future, Cas. I met you. Future you! And you were really fucking…different. You told me that…" Narrowing her eyes, she pointed at him, "Hey, Cas, what do you think of me?"

He stared at her as though she'd gone made, "I find you strange… and loud." Seeing her face fall he rolled his eyes, "But also, oddly …compelling."

Deb blinked and chewed her lip for a second, "Oddly compelling. Well, I guess that's a start."

Cas glared at her, "What are you talking about? Where is Dean?"

"He's still there. It was Zac; he sent Dean to the future to show him what will happen if he doesn't say yes to Michael. I was sent along by accident."

The angel stepped towards her and placed a hand on her arm, "Whatever you saw is not necessarily the truth. Zachariah is perfectly capable of twisting things to get his own way."

She frowned, she hadn't really thought of it that way before, "You're right. But, I need you to help me persuade Dean to call Sam, make him come back. In the future that I saw, Dean and Sam hadn't spoken to each other for years, and Sam said yes to Lucifer because of it."

Castiel nodded, "And what about you?"

Deb opened her mouth to answer, but just shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself crying. It was one thing to cry in front of future Cas, but an entirely different thing to do it in front of this Cas. The discomfort alone would probably be enough to kill him.

She sighed and stifled a yawn, "I'm going to find a motel, Cas. I'll ring you when I find somewhere, so you can come get me when Dean turns up. Seeya later." She waved half-heartedly at him, then made her way along the road towards the lights of town in the distance.

(later)

Deb ruffled her hair with a towel, and then began the long task of dragging a comb through the tangles. She had the same battle every morning; life on the road had not been kind to her hair. Sighing she looked up from the mirror as Dean entered the room. "Good to see you alive and well, and, well, _you._" She muttered.

"Same to you, what the hell happened to you anyway? One minute you were there, the next, no sign." He flopped down next to her on the bed.

"Ah, Zac sent me for an early bath, so to speak." She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "The guy's a total dick."

Dean nodded, "No arguments from me on that one. So…" he looked away, momentarily, and when he looked back he was wearing his usual lopsided grin that meant he was about to mock someone relentlessly, "you and Cas, huh?"

She stared at him, "You met him then?"

Dean laughed and nodded, "Yeah, guy after my own heart. The things he told me about you; they even made me blush."

"That little shit!" Deb glared at Dean.

A rustle of wings that she was barely conscious of in her anger marked Cas's entrance. Dean nudged her with his elbow, "Speaking of little shits." He nodded in the angel's direction and stood up, "Anyway, I'll leave you guys to it. I have a phone call I really have to make."

Watching him leave, Deb sighed again, glancing at Cas, "Hey." Picking the brush up again she began to tear at the stubborn knots at the back of her head. The angel uncomfortably took the spot next to her that Dean had just exited.

"I know what he…I…me in the future said to you. I am sorry that you had to put up with him. Zachariah can be a pain, he will stop at nothing to get what he wants."

She looked at the side of his face, "Yeah, tell me about it. But…do you think any of it might be true? I mean, is that what will happen if Dean says no?"

He shrugged, "It's a possibility. I think Zachariah showed you one of many possible paths we could take. It makes sense to bear it in mind, and remain vigilant." Finishing his sentence he at last turned to look at her.

She nodded, "I guess so. One thing though, Cas; let's never have sex." His eyes widened momentarily. "I don't want to be responsible for turning you into the prick I met."

He nodded once and turned his head away, "Agreed."


	2. The Beginning is the End

Part 2: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

Author note: This is set during 'The Song Remains the Same' but from Deb's (my OCs perspective); there are also some bits looking forwards to 'My Bloody Valentine', with Cas's hankering for cheeseburgers and Deb's random episode of binge drinking.

So, in this part Cas and Deb's get closer. But, what will happen when she finds out that her connection with Cas started a long time before she actually met him? Will Zac succeed in driving them apart and bringing on the events Deb learned about in Part 1?

Warning: There are references to child abuse in this part.

Deb stared at Cas's expressionless face and felt like her whole world had just collapsed around her. She opened and closed her mouth several times, trying to figure out what to say. "That... bitch..." she settled on, "I thought she was on our side, why would she do that?" For a moment she caught Dean's eye and a flash of recognition crossed his face. Deb instantly hated herself for being so transparently selfish. She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger; a host of images she'd thought buried forever in her subconscious flitted before her eyes. _Jesus, if I'd never met the Winchesters, if they hadn't moved into that house when they did, if John hadn't been the man that he was, I'd still be that terrified little girl, afraid to let anyone touch her, afraid if someone so much as looked at her the wrong way. _

When Deb looked up again Cas was frowning at her, looking vaguely concerned. "Anna has been in heaven a long time since we last saw her. My brothers can be persuasive when they need to be. I know from experience."

Deb nodded and sighed, "Fine. But, what can we do? There must be something, Cas."

The angel stared at her, looking exasperated, his eyes flicking to the ceiling for a moment as if he were seeking divine intervention, "I can go back, with Sam and Dean, there's a chance, a small chance, that we can stop her."

Deb stared at him, "Can I go with you?"

He shook his head, looking down at the floor, "I'm cut off from heaven. It will take nearly all my power to make the journey alone, but with passengers..." He tailed off, looking at her, his eyes almost pleading with her not to ask him again. Dean shook his head at her, a warning not to push things too far. Deb couldn't help herself; those horrible images were still fizzing away behind her eyes. She couldn't go back to that, wouldn't survive it again.

She stared at Cas, "Please, will you try?"

(later)

Deb dodged between several parked cars, falling to her knees in front of the angel. Placing a hand against the side of his face, she shook him gently, "Cas, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

A small half-smile crept onto Cas's face and he haphazardly reached a hand up to wipe away the trickle of blood coming from his nose, "I'm better than I expected."

Slowly, Deb rocked backwards on her heels and moved her body to shield him from several curious onlookers who had gathered. She took both his hands, "Can you stand?"

He nodded, but as he moved a stream of blood forced itself out of his lips, and he fell back against the car. Deb panicked slightly as a spot of blood landed on her hand, like a crimson raindrop. She shook her head and wiped away an inadvertent tear that had rolled down her cheek, "Shit Cas, I'm so sorry." Looking up at Sam and Dean she shook her head, "You guys go, don't worry about us. I'll look after him.

Dean narrowed his eyes, "Oh and you think that's such a hot idea? You and Cas together?" He raised his eyebrows. Sam looked on, utterly confused, but Deb was in no mood to fill him in on her encounter with the super- lecherous version of Cas she'd met in Zac's future. She glared at Dean, until he relented and turned his back. She watched them both lope away down the street, silently digging in her pocket for the crumpled napkin she'd stashed there last night. Pulling it out she gently wiped Cas's mouth and rubbed the blood off her own hands, "Now, how about we try that whole standing up thing again, huh?"

It took all her strength to limp the angel across the street to the nearest hotel. By the time she reached the front desk she felt sure that her knees were audibly creaking from the strain of holding Cas up, "We need a room, please." She gasped out.

The boy behind the desk narrowed his eyes, looking Cas up and down, and then pointed his pen at Deb, "Listen lady, if I give you a room, I don't want any trouble, right? I don't want him bleeding all over the sheets, and if anyone turns up asking difficult questions I'm gonna direct them straight up to you. Understood?"

Deb smiled, and threw a few notes over the counter, "Pefectly." By the time she made it to the room she was struggling to breathe under Cas's unnatural weight, "God, how are you so heavy?" She complained, practically dropping the comatose angel onto the bed. She looked around the room dispassionately, and made her way towards the window, glancing down at the street and then pulling the curtains shut, "Bastard could have given us a room on a lower floor, huh?" she joked. Receiving no reply from the angel she carefully lowered herself onto the bed next to him. Soothed by his soft breathing beside her, Deb soon drifted into a dreamless sleep.

When she awoke in the growing darkness of late afternoon she looked to the side to see Cas still out for the count beside her. Stretching languidly, Deb rolled onto her stomach and rested her chin in her hands. She smiled, remembering Cas telling her that he found her 'oddly compelling'. _Right back at you_, she thought. She found herself gripped by a very strong urge to reach across and straighten a piece of his hair that had fallen out of place, but resisted long enough to move away, rolling off the bed and taking a seat in the chair by the window instead. _He's an angel, he's an angel, he's an angel_, she repeated to herself over and over, trying to drum the idea into her head, lacerate it into her memory. _He has no interest in that kind of thing_, she tried to convince herself, _he doesn't even have feelings._ However hard she tried though, she couldn't help but think about the times over the past few months when it had been obvious that Cas was starting to understand and feel, more and more as time went on. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, _no, you promised yourself, and him, that this would not happen. He can't change, not even a little bit. He can't feel, he can't become human. Because if he does, he turns into the Cas you met in the future, and we're all one step closer to the end of everything as we know it. _

When she looked up she couldn't help but let out an audible gasp to see Cas sitting up on the bed, his piercing blue eyes turned in her direction. He looked suspicious, questioning, and in that moment Deb knew that he was aware of what she'd been thinking. Eager to break the silence she stood and made her way to sit down next to him, "Hey Cas, you feeling better?"

He nodded. As she watched his eyes darted quickly across her face, as though he were trying to map her features. She frowned, "Are you sure? You don't seem quite yourself?"

Again Cas nodded, smiling slightly, "I'm fine but...I think I'm hungry. Can you get me something?"

"Sure," she slowly stood up, heading for the door, "but, I thought you didn't eat?"

He nodded, "Not usually, but...I think I need to."

Standing on the street, taking in the different shops lining the road, Deb bit her lip slightly, _so, what do you get the angel who has everything? _she thought to herself. Shrugging, she headed towards the most familiar fast food smell she could discern, unsurprised when she eventually found herself standing in a burger bar. She smiled at the boy behind the counter and let the familiar words roll off her tongue, "Hey, bacon cheeseburger, please. And fries. To eat out." She thought about Sam and Dean as she waited for her order. Stopping an angel who was intent on destroying your life was no easy task. _If they fail, everything could end in a second,_ she thought. _I could black out and wake up in an asylum, or I could black out and not wake up at all._ Absentmindedly she accepted the offered white bag of food and handed over some cash. As she stepped back out onto the street, the muffled sound of crying brought her out of her reverie and she looked around, searching for the source of the sound.

Sitting on a bench, a few doors down, was a little girl, her dirty, grazed knees were tucked up under her chin and her face was covered by long, straggly hair. Deb frowned and moved closer, taking a seat beside the girl, "Hey honey, what's up? Have you lost your parents?"

The girl sniffled slightly, and shook her head, "No. I'm crying because I know it won't be long till my Dad finds me."

Deb sighed, "Trust me; I know that feeling, kid." Her hand twitched slightly in her lap as she contemplated reaching out to comfort the girl, but thought better of it, "Did you run away?"

The girl nodded, voice still muffled slightly by her filthy knees, "He does things to me, my Dad, things I don't like. He makes me do things to him."

A gnawing doubt had settled itself in the pit of Deb's stomach. There was something tragically familiar about this scene that made Deb want to run, to get as far away as possible.

"You understand, don't you, Deb?" The girl was looking at her now, tears making clean tracks on an otherwise muddy face, "The worst thing is the smell of his breath when he's doing things to me."

Deb's voice cracked, "What did you say?"

The girl stared vacantly back at her, shrugged her shoulders slightly and tilted her head downwards so that a thin thread of hair covered her eyes.

Deb moved closer, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder, "How do you know my name?"

The little girl moved fast, the hand that had been concealed from view by her body whipped round and Deb gasped as she felt the blade of a straight razor rasp across her knuckles. She leaped backwards, grasping at her hand as the blood began to seep up through her fingers, "What the fuck?" She turned her eyes towards the girl again.

"And in the beginning it was written," Zachariah smiled up at her from where the girl had been seconds before, "that there was a little girl, called Deb." He stood up, moving towards her, "And, she was a total basketcase, because her Daddy loved her just a little bit too much." He grinned, raising his eyebrows. "So, how did I do?"

Deb shook her head, turning away, "Fuck you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I offend you? I thought it was a fairly good impression of how you were when you were younger." She spun round, glaring at the angel, who raised his hands in mock surrender.

"You don't know anything about me! Why are you doing this?" She sniffed, rubbing her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"On the contrary, I know everything there is to know about you." Zachariah reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him, "I can see into your mind. It's interesting in there. Take, for example, that little razor blade trick. Where do you think I got that from?"

Deb blinked and stared at him, "It was a mistake. I never meant for it to happen..."

"Don't lie to me, girl. Of course you did. Poor little Sammy, he was so well-meaning back in the day, so caring. All he wanted to do was give you a hug; he saw you crying, he was worried. But you, you were a damaged, ungrateful little bitch, just like you are now. Couldn't stand being touched, could you? Not even by the people that rescued you from that life." He twisted her arm, cruelly. "So you cut him, didn't you? Slashed him with a razor. How does it feel?"

Deb struggled in vain to pull her wrist out of his grasp. The tears were freely flowing down her face now, and she didn't care. She squeezed her eyes shut, "Please, leave me alone."

"Oh, I'm done with you, for now." He shoved her roughly away, "But I'll be seeing you again, you can't hide from me while you're here." Moving backwards, suddenly he stopped and raised his hand, "Don't forget to run and tell Castiel how horrible I've been to you. I'd be interested to hear what he has to say."

She wiped at her face, trying to clear her eyes, "This has nothing to do with Cas." She muttered.

He shook his head, laughing slightly, "Oh please, this has everything to do with him. Just tell him, you'll see." She blinked and he was gone.

When Deb returned to the room, Cas was just sitting, staring off into the middle distance as he often did. Grateful that he didn't look at her, Deb placed the bag of food next to him and headed towards the bathroom.

"What happened to your hand?"

_God damn it! _Deb stopped and looked back; he still hadn't turned towards her. She chewed her bottom lip hard, trying to stop herself blurting out what was in her head. _Well Cas, I met this crazy little girl, but it turns out it was actually me. Or, at least it was Zac pretending to be me when I was younger. And the scary thing is, I didn't realise at first, but now I have to face facts. I was fucking insane. I still am. Just because of my father, and what he did._

Cas turned towards her and placed a hand on the bed beside him, "Sit down."

Deb stared at him, "No, I don't want to sit down Cas. What I'd like is for someone to fucking tell me what is going on. Why are the angels all of a sudden taking an interest in me?" She knew she was crying again. _Great, this is going to be massively uncomfortable_, she thought. "I mean, Sam, Dean, I get it; they're important, they're vessels. But why me?"

He looked down at his shoes, "Because of me."

She threw her hands in the air, exasperated, "What does my childhood have to do with you? I didn't even fucking know you, Cas."

"No, you didn't know me. But I was watching Dean even then. I knew everything about him." He looked up at her. "So, I knew everything about you, too."

Deb let out a shaky breath, "You knew? You mean you know what happened to me? You knew about my Dad? You saw all of that?"

Cas nodded, for once looking lost for words.

"Ok, I have to leave for awhile, Cas. I'll see you later. "Pulling her jacket tightly around her she headed for the door, only to find him blocking her exit.

"You can't go. It's not safe."

Moving closer she glared up at him, "Trust me, it's not gonna be safe in here if I stay. I'm fucking furious, Cas. But, y'know what, I'm not surprised. Makes perfect sense in a way; I mean you were a complete dick when I met you, so you were probably even worse back then." She stepped back, resolved, the only thought in her mind was that she wanted to hurt him as much as she could.

"Just tell me one thing, Cas. When you were watching me being molested by my own father, was there any part of you, any tiny shred of humanity in you that wanted to stop it?" She closed her eyes, unsure what answer she wanted to hear.

"No. I followed my orders. I was asked to watch. Nothing more." He looked defeated.

Deb shook her head, clenching her jaw, "Sometimes I wonder who's worse. The demons, or you guys." Leaving the room she wrenched the door shut behind her.

(later)

Deb shivered, partly at the sensation of the alcohol sliding down her throat and partly at the sound of Zachariah's whining voice, "Oh Deb, Deb, Deb, you're so predictable. I knew I'd find you here after that nasty little domestic." He pulled up a stool and sat beside her, "You know, you were really quite tough on him."

Deb raised her injured hand, wincing slightly as it continued to sting, motioning at the bartender to bring her another shot. _Maybe if I just ignore him he'll go away_, she thought.

Zachariah chuckled at her attempt to pretend he wasn't there and nudged her arm with his elbow, "You said some very mean things, you know. I bet he's crying into his cheeseburger as we speak."

Deb slammed her shot glass down on the bar, drawing the attention of the bartender and several other patrons, "Listen Zachariah, fuck off. I mean it. Or I swear to God I will hit you hard in the fucking face."

She stared at him, incredulous, as he laughed and waved at the bartender, "Two of whatever she's having, please."

Slowly she lowered her head onto the bar, snorting out a quiet laugh as she did so, "Are you high? I'm not gonna sit and drink with you."

He shrugged, tilted his head back and downed his shot, "Suit yourself."

Deb eyed her newly refilled shot glass, licking her lips. Finally, rolling her eyes, she reached out and downed it, "It doesn't mean anything." She stared at him, "I still hate you."

He sighed and murmured something under his breath, "You know, you have a lot of anger inside you." He looked across at the bartender again, pointing at their glasses. "And, I can't say I blame you." He picked up his glass, "But it really doesn't have to be like this. If Dean would just say yes, you wouldn't have to go down this path. You could change everything and just be happy for once in your miserable little life."

Deb smirked, "So, you're saying that if Dean lets Michael wear his meat suit you'll stop trying to drive me crazy?"

"In a word, yes." He stared at her and moved closer, "Can't you see it happening already? What I showed you, it's coming true, isn't it? You and Cas are falling apart, he's changing already – I know you've noticed." He leaned back on his stool and sighed, "It's a rocky road for you from here. Big dramatic break-up with lover boy, big dramatic falling out with Dean and, well, before you know it you'll be spending some quality time with Sam Version 2.0...in Detroit."

Deb slammed her glass down again, "Yeah Zac, I've noticed some of those things. I've also noticed that me and Cas are falling apart because you keep sticking your big fat face in our business." She glared at him, "I mean, do you think I wanted to know that? To know that Cas just stood back and let that shit happen to me? Well, I didn't. I could have coped with not knowing that for an eternity."

"Do you know how selfish you sound?" Deb turned to him, amazed. "Do you think anyone _wants_ to know that kind of thing? Do you think Sam was thrilled to hear that Lucifer wants to jump his bones, or that Dean _wanted_ to hear that he's Michael's vessel and that he will have to kill his little brother?" He threw back another shot. "Do you think Castiel is happy knowing that we're going to hunt him down like a dog for what he's done?" He raised his eyebrows at her. "Grow up."

Deb blinked, "Why are you even telling me all of this?"

"Because I want you to do the right thing. Persuade Dean, make him play his part, and this can be over."

Deb stood up and pulled her jacket on, "How will things be better if you win? How will I be happier?" She narrowed her eyes as she stared at him.

"It'll be paradise on Earth," Zachariah whispered, his eyes gleaming with delight, "You'll have everything you've ever wanted."

She smiled, heading for the door. "There's not actually a whole lot I want anymore, Zac."

(later)

When she returned to the room it seemed like Cas hadn't moved an inch. He turned to look at her, "You've spoken to Zachariah." It wasn't a question.

She nodded, taking a seat on the bed beside him.

"You shouldn't listen to him, all he does is lie." Cas was clenching and unclenching his fist where it was balanced on his knee.

"Actually, I think he helped." Cas looked at her and frowned, "If anything, the guy's such an asshole, he made me realise how lucky I am that you're the angel on my shoulder rather than him." She smiled slightly.

"Thank you. But, I'm a poor example of an angel. The fact is, I didn't follow orders, and it made no difference. I failed and now I'm useless."

She nudged him with her elbow none too gently, "I don't care what you think, and I don't care what the rest of the angels think; you're the best of those dicks. Whatever happens now, you did the right thing when you decided to help us. It doesn't matter what you did in the past, Cas. We need you now; we can't do this without you."

He shook his head, "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Maybe not." Deb placed a hand on his shoulder, "But nobody can undo the past."

"I sincerely hope that you are right. Have you heard from Sam and Dean?"

She shook her head, looking up at the ceiling, "No. But, I know they'll beat her. It's not supposed to end like this, not here." She jumped slightly as she felt his hand on her shoulder, as he mirrored her comforting action, "Cas, I can't pretend that I understand what you did, back when I was younger. I guess I keep thinking of you as human, and you're just not." He looked down at his hands, "I was scared of you, when we first met. You were like a fucking robot, totally cold..." She took her hand off his shoulder, surprised that he didn't move to do the same. "But now I keep thinking it must be nice. Not to feel things, I mean. Sometimes I think I'm going to just burst with anger, or fear, or sadness, and it's horrible."

He nodded, staying silent.

Laughing slightly she stood up and took her jacket off, "Anyway, I guess we should rest before tomorrow. You too. You need all your strength so that you can take us back."

"Yes." He stood up, moving towards her, "Deb..."

"Please, you don't have to say anything, Cas. I don't want to think about what happened to me, let alone talk to you about it." She sat down on the bed, pulling the covers back slightly.

He knelt in front of her, taking her hand in his, "I wanted you to know, that if I could go back to the beginning, back to when I first saw you, I would. If I knew then what I know now, I would have helped you." He looked intently at her, "It's important that you believe that. Now more than ever."

"I believe you, Cas."

Author Note: Part 3 coming soon. Let me know what you think.


	3. The End is the Beginning is the End

Part 3: The End is the Beginning is the End

Deb held the 'phone against her ear with her shoulder as she slowly peeled off the bandage covering her hand. "You're right, Sam. That does sound kinda weird. I you sure she's legit? I mean, have you spoken to Cas?"

Sam sounded tired, at the point of giving in, "No, I left him a message but he hasn't replied yet. Have you heard from him?"

Deb sunk bank on the bed, burrowing herself between the pillows, "Nope, 'fraid not." There was a pause and she heard Dean mumbling something in the background.

Sam muttered something back involving the words _shut up_ and then returned to the call, "So, how are you anyway? How are things over there?"

"It's all quiet here, "she replied, studying her scarred hand again, "but, I'm really worried about him, Sam. Cas, I mean. I just can't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling."

"I think you probably have a better idea than most people would, Deb." She smiled despite herself. Sam always seemed to have the right words; she wished she could be more like him, less prone to sticking her foot in her mouth on such a regular basis.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Listen though; I could really do with your help over here. I'm worried about Dean; he's not acting like himself. "

She sighed, "Sure, I'll set off first thing tomorrow. I'm kinda hoping Cas might drop in so I can hitch a ride." No sooner had the words left her lips than she heard the soft flapping of wings, more frantic than usual, and then a loud bang from behind the door that lead to the bathroom. She sat up on the bed, frowning, staring at the door, "Sam, I'll call you back." Carefully she replaced the telephone back on the hook and swung her legs over the side of the bed. As she reached for the bathroom door handle, it twisted and flew open. Cas stumbled out, hand against his forehead, almost bowling her over.

She laughed slightly, "Since when do you have to make crash landings?" Instinctively she moved towards him, "God, Cas, I've been so worried about you." She stepped back as the strong smell of liquor rolling off him hit her.

He narrowed his eyes and walked round her, toppling backwards onto the bed, "Don't look at me like that."

Deb smiled. He was right; she was the last person who should be judging him. To her chagrin, during Dean's final showdown with Famine she'd apparently been trying to drink a bathtub full of gin whilst chain-smoking her way through a pack of Marlboro's she'd stolen off a tramp. She shrugged and settled herself next to him.

He shook his head and sighed, "Now, I got your message. What do you want?"

She looked at him earnestly, "To be honest, I just wanted to see you Cas. To make sure you're ok. And I know that's fucking stupid, because you're obviously not ok, and that's totally understandable." She stopped for a second, realising that she was rambling like an idiot. "Look, I just wanted to say that if you need me, if you want to talk or anything, then I'm here." She finished, punctuating the sentiment with a nod of her head.

Cas rolled his eyes and stood up shakily, "That was a complete waste of my time. Thank you."

Deb raised her eyebrows, "Cas, I know you're drunk, but don't be a jerk."

He turned towards her, "Oh, I'm sorry; I was actually just taking my cue from you. I mean to look at your behaviour most of the time I had gathered that anyone whose father let them down is allowed to act like a little bitch with impunity." He swayed slightly as spoke to her.

Deb was almost speechless, "Cas!" she blurted out, unable to find any other, non-obscene, words that seemed appropriate.

"What?" He just stared at her.

Shrugging her shoulders she gave up, deciding that it wasn't worth continuing the conversation, "Nothing. I'm sorry for wasting your time, ok." She swallowed hard, suddenly finding the scar on her hand fascinating once again.

Cas slapped a hand to his forehead again, his eyes wildly trying to focus, "Fine. I'm leaving, Sam left me a message. Come on." He took a step in her direction, reaching his hand out to her.

She brushed him away, "I'm fine. I need to sleep. I'll make my way there tomorrow."

He shook his head, "That makes no sense. It will take you ten times as long to make the journey alone. You should just come with me now." He reached for her again.

Quickly she moved away, leaving the bed and standing by the door, "I said I'm fine, Cas."

He took a step towards her, "You are infuriating." He mumbled under his breath.

"Oh? Y'know, that's quite a list you've got going there, Cas; infuriating, strange, loud _and _a little bitch. Anything else you want to add while you're on a roll?" She was standing right in front of him, their noses almost touching.

He looked very angry and, when he swayed towards her slightly, she actually thought for a moment he was going to head butt her, "I should go." He glowered at her.

She blinked once, and when she opened her eyes he was gone.

(later)

It felt like only seconds ago that Deb had laid her head down on the pillows, but now she could sense sunlight coming through the fragile skin of her eyelids and she was dimly aware of the sound of birds chirping. Groaning, she sat up, rubbing her eyes before slowly blinking them open. She was no longer in bed. In fact, she was no longer even in her motel room.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head. I thought you were never going to wake up." Zachariah's voice.

She groaned inwardly, turning her head to the side to look at him, "Y'know, I'm beginning to wonder whether Cas actually really hates me and just carved a smiley face into my ribs rather than something to keep you bastards away." She drew her knees up under her chin, staring at the angel.

"Well, actually, it's quite easy for me to find you now. I'm quite tuned in to your particular frequency, Deb. You exude this...rage. It's quite intoxicating."

She frowned, "That's not creepy at all, Zac." She looked around. "So, what do you want?"

He raised his arms, gesturing at their surroundings, "Look familiar? I thought I'd bring you back to the future again! There's something you need to see. Call it a little further persuasion for you to sit down and have a little heart to heart with Dean."

Deb stood, shaking her head fiercely, "No. No, Zac. Seriously, take me back. I can't cope with the future right now; I'm not even dealing too well with the present, ok. I don't want to speak to future Cas again. I don't want to speak to future Dean. I'm not even a tiny bit curious about future me. So, fucking take me back."

He patted her arm in an almost placatory manner, "Now, now. It won't be quite like that this time. You don't have to speak to anyone, or do anything; you just have to watch. Scout's honour."

She rolled her eyes and nodded, "Ok, what? What do I need to see?"

"Follow me."

As they approached the familiar wooden cabin Deb stopped, almost turning on her heel and running. Feeling a tug on her elbow she found herself moving forward again as Zachariah dragged her onto the porch, "Zac, I do not want to watch another orgy, ok? I especially don't want to watch another orgy with you."

He rolled his eyes, shoving her through the beaded curtains and into the cabin. As she stumbled into the room noisily she half expected the three men gathered there to turn and look at her. They didn't. She looked at Zachariah, "Please, just take me back. I'll speak to Dean."

He just shook his head, pointing at the men. Deb gulped back her fear and turned to watch.

Castiel stared at them. At least Chuck looked guilty. Dean was just sitting, staring back at him defiantly, arms crossed across his chest, "Are you serious? You're just going to leave her?"

Dean raised his eyebrows and nodded again, "How about yeah? Listen buddy, we get it ok, you guys had a thing. But she sold us out."

Castiel shook his head, "Did you ever think that maybe she didn't have a choice? This is Lucifer we're talking about here."

Dean stood, walking towards his old comrade, "Listen, Cas. I'm sorry, but the truth is she ditched you...for Lucifer. You need to move on. " With that he left the cabin, Castiel's eyes burning into the back of his head as he went.

The fallen angel turned to Chuck. He'd expected this behaviour from Dean, who he'd come to realise was a pompous, self-righteous ass. But Chuck would help him, he was sure of it.

The prophet scratched his head nervously, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, "I'd like to help, Cas. I'm just scared. Have you thought that maybe it might be best not to know what happened to her?"

Castiel gritted his teeth, "I'll go alone if I have to, Chuck. You know that. Please, help me."

Chuck shook his head, standing and heading for the door, "I can't. I understand why you have to, but I want to remember Deb the way she was."

Castiel watched him leave, clenching and unclenching his fists, his body shaking with impotent rage. Pulling a canvas bag from under his bed he began to fill it with ammunition, food and clothes; all the things he needed now he was trapped in this pathetic, human body. As he headed out, making for the nearest car, he contemplated what Chuck had said. He had good memories of Deb, some _really_ good memories. Would it be better not to know?

He drove for days, lost in his thoughts, making the turns to his destination automatically; relying on muscle memory to take him to Detroit. When he reached the outskirts of the city he stopped, stepping out onto the road amidst the abandoned cars and bloated dead bodies. Seeing the steaming sprawl of the city spreading out before him he realised just how impossible his task was. The place would be crawling with Croats. Head down, gun in hand, he walked, keeping an ear out for anyone approaching. He walked for hours, sometimes feeling so immensely alone that he wanted to scream. As the bright sun of morning faded to the half light of mid-afternoon he stopped, sitting down on a bench. He could hear the harsh calls of scavenging birds, scouting for bodies with meat still on their bones. It was hot, hotter than it had been for days, and there was a fine haze rising as the tarmac on the pavements melted under the sun's glare. He closed his eyes, feeling a bead of sweat slowly running between his shoulder blades. It was quiet, but his hearing was still sharper than most; footsteps approaching from behind. Steeling himself, he rose and turned.

The man looked like Sam, but behind his eyes was something much older, something much more dangerous. Castiel kept the bench between them; he knew it was a stupid precaution, if Lucifer wanted him dead then he'd die.

"I'm glad you came, brother." Lucifer smiled, but the sentiment didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You know why I'm here?"

The Morning Star simply nodded, walking towards Castiel, "Of course, and I also know that you know it's been a wasted journey. What has been done can't be undone."

Castiel shook his head, "Why? You got what you wanted, didn't you? You don't need her anymore."

"On the contrary, Castiel. She's still a very important part of my plan for this little world. The Deb you know, her soul, is gone I'm afraid. Her body, unfortunately for you, is under new ownership." Lucifer stared at him.

"Where is she? The real Deb?" He was frantic, pleading.

"She's at peace, Castiel. I promised Sam no harm would come to her before he said yes. I kept my word. She's in a better place than any of you now."

Castiel stalked round the bench, approaching Lucifer, "What did you do to her? What did you threaten her with? She would never have willingly agreed to this."

"What? Never willingly agree to living in eternal bliss? Are we talking about the same person here?"

Castiel's shoulders slumped, "Please, tell me what happened."

Lucifer made his way around the bench and took a seat. He looked up at Castiel, "Sit with me, brother."

"You know that she came to me with Sam. He was so ready to say yes by then; seething with anger, ripped apart by the injustice of how Dean had treated him. Absolutely perfect. And Deb, poor, sweet Deb; she was one of the most wretched souls I've ever seen. If it had been up to me I would have put her out of her misery then and there. But Sam had conditions of course. And I, despite what people may say, am not a monster. So, when it was done I asked her what she wanted most in the entire world, and do you know what she said. Love, Castiel. She said she wanted to understand what it felt like to love, and to be loved back. So that's what I gave her, and all I asked for in return was her soul and the use of her body when she no longer needed it. She agreed, without a second thought. And no, it's not real; the world she lives in now is something I created. But she truly is happy, Castiel, for the first time in her entire life, she's happy. So, now you know. I hope it brings you peace, brother." He vanished.

Castiel crumpled to the floor in a heap, curled up next to the bench. He felt the bile rise from his stomach, travel up his throat and land on the floor, sizzling slightly in the heat. He wiped his mouth, shaking his head, whispering, "I don't believe you. I don't believe you." Louder this time, "You're a liar." He raised his voice to a scream, not caring who heard, "You're a fucking liar!" It felt good to use her favourite expletive; it made him feel strong, it made him feel _right_.

He heard the sickening crunch of his jawbone before he felt the bright blossom of pain from the impact of a fist slamming into his face with all the force of a circus strong - man wielding a metal bar. Lucifer stared down at him, "I assume you were directing that at me." He grasped hold of Castiel's shirt, pulling the other man up towards him, "It's fine for you to be angry, Castiel. But make sure it's directed at the right person. Be angry at Dean for driving Sam away; be angry at Sam for being so easy to drive away; be angry at her for accepting so easily; even be angry at yourself because you couldn't give her what she wanted."

Lucifer dropped him and Castiel spat blood onto the pavement, "Please, give her back. I know you can."

The man in the white suit turned towards him frowning, "You want me to bring her back so she can go with you? Go back to camp, face Dean, and live in this world? And they call _me_ cruel." He smiled, moving closer and staring down at Castiel, "Like I said, what has been done can't be undone." He nudged the ex-angel with his foot, "Go now, brother. While I'm still willing to let you."

Deb knelt beside the man she'd been following, desperately wanting to reach out and touch his face; his jaw was swollen and misshapen already, probably broken. As she moved a hand towards him though he started to fade, becoming blurry, edges so indistinct that she couldn't make out where he began and the background started. She rubbed at her eyes until they were sore, and when she opened them again, she was back in the motel room sitting up in bed.

"So class, what did we learn today?" She jumped at the sound of Zachariah's voice.

She rolled her eyes at him, "Well, thanks for that Zac. I learnt that if I ever run into Lucifer I should think twice before making any deals with him." She yawned, and narrowed her eyes when she noticed there was actual sunlight streaming through the curtains. She felt like she hadn't slept a wink.

Zachariah laughed that long, annoying, braying laugh that Deb thought sounded like a donkey, "Wow that is dense, even for you. You really believed everything he said?" The angel wagged a finger at her, like a schoolteacher, "Only you could watch that little discussion and come away thinking _oh, that devil fella seems ok, I'll just up and believe that little yarn he just spun about offering me eternal bliss or whatever. _Are you really that stupid?"

She bit her lip, "Apparently so. Why don't you enlighten me?"

He glared at her, "It will happen as he said. You will take Sam to Lucifer. He will say yes. But Lucifer won't ask you what you want, that was a lie; he'll offer you a choice."

"What choice?"

Zachariah shook his head, "Not for me to say. You'll find out soon enough. But don't go having any delusions of free will; I know exactly what you'll choose. Which is why you have to speak to Dean soon, you don't have much time. If he doesn't say yes, there will be nobody to oppose Lucifer. He will win, do you understand? And, well, you know what happens then."

Deb gritted her teeth, "I don't believe you." She pushed the bedcovers aside, "I don't fucki..."

"Oh please," Zachariah grimaced with distaste, "let's not start that again." And he was gone.

(later)

It was night by the time Deb made it to the address Sam had given her, but she could see movement and lights behind the thin blinds of the motel room, so she headed for the door checking nobody was around. She knocked, quietly, three times.

A voice, Dean's, gruff with lack of sleep answered, "Who is it?"

She rested a hand against the cool wood of the door, "It's Deb. Open up."

He pulled the door open, grinning at her,"Hey Deb, we just killed a whore". He pulled her into the room, swiftly closing the door behind her.

She stared at him, "Er, either you've gone all Patrick Bateman on me, or I'm missing something."

Sam coughed, stepping out of the bathroom; he was wiping his hands on a thin towel, "It was Leah; the chick I was telling you about on the phone. Well, it turns out she wasn't legit. In fact, she was the Whore of Babylon. It was Cas's call."

Deb looked around, spotting a figure in a tan trench coat lying on one of the beds at the back of the room, "Listen guys, we're staying around here for tonight, right? I really need to speak to you both."

Dean looked edgy; his eyes kept darting to the window, "So talk. We're here right now."

She nodded, "I know. I just need a few minutes with Cas, if you don't mind." She looked at Sam, who grinned and nodded his head, "How is he?"

Sam shrugged, "Embarrassed probably, with the mother of all hangovers." He nudged her towards the bed.

As she approached Castiel groaned and shook his head, "I wish I didn't remember what I said, but I do."

Deb sat next to him, smiling, "Even if you'd forgotten I would have reminded you." She teased.

He lowered his head, "I don't even know why I said it. It's not what I think; not anymore."

She laughed, "Thanks for that, Cas. But, I'm well aware that I _can_ be a little bitch at times. So, don't feel too bad."

He looked at her, his eyelids drooping, "Well, I think you're just right, exactly as you are."

She frowned, a half smile playing on her lips, _he's still drunk_, she thought. She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back onto the bed, "You should rest," she whispered, pulling a blanket over him. She knew it was silly, knew he didn't need it, but she wanted to do it.

She didn't move as she heard shouting, the screech of car tires, just continued to look down at the angel. She knew it was Dean, leaving. She shook her head and looked up. _So you told me about Sam taking off and me with him, over and over and fucking over again. When exactly were you going to warn me about this, Zac. _


	4. Apogee

Part 4: Apogee

Author note: Ok, I'm so sorry for not updating in any way shape or form for ages. My personal life has been a nightmare recently and still is. Writing has helped me to take my mind of things for a little while. So, this is the next part in the ongoing Deb/Cas saga.

Deb is no closer to figuring out who to trust, leading to her making a horrendous mistake. She and Cas are getting closer, but it looks like time might have just about run out...

"Ok, y'know what, Cas? Blow me." Dean stared at the angel, eyes narrowed.

"Will everyone just frigging chill out, please?" Deb glanced between Dean and Castiel, unconsciously moving towards the angel and standing slightly in front of him. He'd looked confused by Dean's comment at first, but that expression had soon given way to one of utter contempt, and Deb was somewhat concerned that he might just decide to pummel Dean's face in.

She raised her hands, "Look, Dean, we need to talk. Alone." The older Winchester shrugged and stood, heading for the doorway.

Sam stepped forwards, placing a hand on her elbow, "Wait, Deb, you're giving him the perfect opportunity to run off again."

She rolled her eyes and pulled Dean in the direction of the panic room, glancing back over her shoulder, "Please, Sam, I'm not totally helpless." She headed down the stairs.

Pushing the heavy door until it was only partially open, just enough to allow them to exit again, Deb spun around and stared at Dean. He shrugged again, "What?" Gritting her teeth, and responding before he had time to notice what she was doing, she whipped her right fist upwards and caught him square on the nose with slightly more force than she'd planned on.

She watched as he flew back against the lockers, hands covering his nose, looking at her with a mixed expression of indignant anger and pain. She pulled a chair towards him, sitting down, "I didn't hit you that hard, Dean." He pulled his hands away and she noticed a small trickle of blood running from his nose. _Oops, maybe I did_, she almost laughed at the look on his face. "Dean, tell me why you were going to say yes."

He dabbed at his nose with his shirt sleeve, "Well, it doesn't look to me like we have a lot of choice, Deb." He pointed at her, "Anyway, why do you care? From what I hear you've been really chummy with Zac recently. I thought it's what he wanted."

Deb stared at him, "And who told you that? That I'm _chummy_ with Zac?"

He pulled up a chair close to hers and sat opposite her, "Cas."

She nodded, raising her eyebrows slightly, "Well, maybe I've decided that no matter what Zac tells me, no matter what he says will happen if you don't say yes, maybe, just maybe, I've decided that I care more about you, about Sam, _and_ Cas. About us. I trust in those things more than I'll ever trust that prick."

Dean's smile almost seemed sincere for a minute, before he snorted with laughter, "That's nice, Deb. Y'know, there was a time when that kind of gung-ho "together we can save the world" crap would've worked on me." He shook his head, laughing to himself.

She clasped her hands together in frustration, "Well, why isn't it working now, Dean? I mean it; think about this for a second. What if you say no, what if Sam says no? What if we just let Lucifer stay in that second rate vessel he's got until he fucking implodes? Then it's over, right?"

"Yeah, and in the meantime, while we're waiting for him to "implode" he kills a whole lotta people. Sounds good."

Deb put her head in her hands, "None of this makes sense Dean. I mean, if you say yes and Sam says yes, then Lucifer and Michael get to fight and a whole lotta people die anyway, right?"

Dean stood, shifting his chair out of the way, "Hey, I'm not arguing with you there, Deb. It's a crappy choice. But, it is a choice." He headed for the door, Deb staring at his back as he went.

(later)

Deb peered down at the young man, "Who's this guy?" She frowned, taking in the mud-caked face. Beneath all the dirt there was something familiar about the fine-bones and straw coloured hair. Gingerly, she reached out and scooped some of the soil away from his face, flicking it onto the floor and smiling slightly as she heard Bobby swear under his breath. "Wait. This is...Adam, right? Your brother?" She looked at Cas, who had moved to stand by her side. She sighed, "What the hell is going on, Cas?"

"It's the angels. They're searching for another vessel. They're moving on from Dean." His voice grew louder for a second, "Perhaps they _wrongly_ assumed he was strong enough to resist Michael." He looked at Dean, pointedly.

As he spoke Deb felt her heart pound in her chest. She frowned. _There's something important about this... _She couldn't get the idea out of her head that Adam could be the key to everything. She shook her head, trying to shake her thoughts into some kind of coherent pattern. She noticed Cas's hand start to move towards the boy's chest, and she reached out, grabbing it just in time, "What are you doing?"

He turned his blazing blue eyes on her, "The angels will be looking for him. We need to hide him. Now."

Deb swallowed hard, watching him place his hand on Adam's chest, "Can I speak to you about something?" Her voice came out so quiet that she doubted for a second that he had even heard her until he turned to stare at her expectantly.

She took his arm and led him into the hallway as Sam, Dean and Bobby crowded round the boy who was now sitting up, coughing, gasping and clutching his ribs. Deb remembered what that felt like; not pleasant. She moved closer to the angel, keeping her voice low, "Cas, if the angel's are moving on from Dean, that's a good thing right? I mean, if Michael takes another vessel, then it doesn't matter whether Dean says yes?"

Castiel stared at her, frowning slightly, "_Nobody_ is saying yes." He moved his face closer to hers, "I hope you're not thinking that Adam will take Dean's place; that we're going to let him say yes instead." He glared at her, with terrifying intensity.

She let her breath out slowly, looking at her feet, "Cas, I'm just being honest here. I love Dean, I love Sam and I would do anything, _anything_, to make sure they're ok. Do you understand?"

She noticed his hand twitch for a moment, and wondered what he was thinking, "Deb, I know you want an easy answer to this. I do too. But, I don't think there is one. Just, promise me you won't do anything foolish."

Deb nodded, surreptitiously breaking eye contact as she did so, counting on the fact that the angel was unaware of the social conventions of lying.

(later)

Placing a beer in front of the boy she carefully slid into the seat opposite him, removing the cap from her own bottle and taking a swig. He eyed her suspiciously, until she reached a hand across the table, "I'm Deb."

He smiled and shook her hand politely, "Adam." Then he glanced down at the sandwich in front of him, "So, any chance of something to eat other than this?" He pointed at the sandwich.

"And what is _this_ exactly?" She leaned closer as he pulled the bread apart revealing the filling.

"Well, as far as I can tell, it's a ham, cheese and...Vegemite sandwich." He wrinkled his nose.

"Ah, the ham and Vegemite sandwich a la Bobby. A classic." She smiled as she saw a grin spread across his face. She shrugged and pushed the beer bottle closer to him, "I'd love to say I could make you something else, but Bobby doesn't tend to keep his fridge well stocked. Other than with beer, obviously."

He nodded, pushing the plate away and reaching for the bottle. "So, Deb, how'd you get mixed up in this whole... thing?" He flicked the cap off his beer.

"Well, the guys are like...family to me, I guess. Closest thing to a family I've ever had anyway." She glanced up at him, gauging his reaction.

He nodded, frowning, "But, what about your real family? Where are they?"

She frowned, "Dead." He raised his eyebrows, mouth falling open. "Mum, Dad, both dead. I never had any sisters or brothers." She took another drink, feeling the bubbles popping against her tongue, "My Dad was a jerk anyway. Good riddance."

"Do you really mean that?" His eyes were wide.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah, trust me. I mean, I know it must sound kinda insensitive, considering your situation, but, I wish I'd never known him."

He fiddled with the beer bottle in front of him, ripping part of the label off, "It's not insensitive. I guess things were just different for you."

She nodded, wishing she had the nerve to reach out and try to offer some comfort to him, "So, this Michael thing. You really wanna say yes?"

"You got any better ideas?"

She shook her head, "No, but...this is going to sound weird, but...Zachariah, he hasn't threatened you or hurt you in any way has he? I mean, to make you say yes." She stared at him and Adam just looked at her like she was utterly stupid.

"Er, he's an angel, Deb. Of course he hasn't."

She laughed, pushing herself up from the chair slightly, "Oh yeah, right, silly me." She nodded at him,"Excuse me, I'm tired." He waved his hand at her, swigging the rest of his beer and staring out into the hallway.

Deb leaned over Bobby, he was half-buried underneath a pile of books, "Hey Bobby, I'm just going upstairs to rest for awhile. I've got a headache." With that she left the room, ascended the old, creaky staircase, which she remembered had scared her when she was younger, and made her way to the room she'd been staying in the for the last four days. Sitting on the bed she clasped her hands together, looking at the ceiling. _This is right_, she thought, _it's his choice, and he wants to do it._ She closed her eyes, trying to block out the next thought that wormed its way into her consciousness. _But Cas doesn't want you to do this. You promised him._ Cas. In all honesty she hadn't stopped thinking about Cas since his encounter with the liquor store and their subsequent encounter after he'd drunk it. They'd talked a lot in the aftermath, when he wasn't out looking for Dean; how he felt about his Father's betrayal, how she felt about him, knowing what she did. Sometimes, the past few nights, she'd woken up to the sound of wings rustling, but he was never there when she opened her eyes. She was afraid to admit it, but he probably knew more about her than any other living person, more even than Sam and Dean. That was why she was finding it so hard to think about lying to him.

"Oh, it's a little late to be feeling guilty now, Deb. You've been planning this since the minute Cas brought him back. I know you. I know how your head works, remember." Zachariah placed a hand on her shoulder, looking her directly in the eye, "Your tiny little mind has practically been screaming, 'he's over here, over here, come and pick him up' for the past five hours."

"Listen, will you promise me that once Adam says yes, that's it? You leave Dean alone, and you go and finish this, quickly? " Deb raised her eyebrows.

"Of course," Zachariah laughed and spread his arms wide, "Adam's the new Dean as far as Michael's concerned. I mean, he's a younger model, and much more stylish if I do say so myself." He rolled his eyes, "The whole scenario's not perfect, obviously, but he is the same bloodline and it should work out fine." Again, he patted her on the shoulder, "Don't worry. You've done exactly what you were supposed to do."

Deb smiled ruefully, "You don't have to say that. I know what I'm doing is wrong." She shrugged, "I'm potentially killing someone innocent to save a friend. Don't tell me that I'm doing the right thing."

Zachariah shook his head at her, "This is not about right and wrong, Deb. I thought you understood that by now. This is about doing what we're supposed to do, like I said. Following the path that fate has planned for you." He smiled, moving away from her, "And let me tell you, Deb, you are practically running down that path right now. You're headed straight for the finishing line." And he was gone.

She frowned, eyes going wide, "Wait, what do you mean?" She ran to the door, bursting through and clattering down the staircase taking the wide, wooden steps two at a time. As she burst into the main room she careened straight into Sam's back. With her face buried in flannel shirt, she could barely make out the sound of a soft thud and a low moan from the corner of the room. Stepping round the taller Winchester she stared at the figure curled up on the couch. It was Dean, looking decidedly worse for wear. His face looked like it had argued with a brick wall and lost. "What happened to him?" She whispered.

"I did. He tried to leave again." Cas was looking at her intently, eyes narrowed, head slightly bent to one side, "The angels have Adam. I need to talk to you. Alone."

"Why?" She tried looking back at him, but realised deep down that he knew what she had done, and the shame forced her to look at her feet.

"You know why." He turned and headed for the stairs, speaking over his shoulder, "I had assumed you would want to talk about this in private."

Deb felt her cheeks flush, burning hot. She nodded silently at a confused looking Bobby and Sam and followed Castiel up the stairs forlornly. Just the way he was walking told her that he was immensely, insanely angry, and she found herself wondering what her face would end up looking like when he was finished. Sighing she followed him into her room, and pushed the door shut, leaning against it, afraid to take her eyes off him for even a second.

He paced back and forth in front of her, grinding his teeth in frustration. Finally he stopped and looked at her, "You promised me."

She looked at her feet, feeling like a child being told off by her favourite teacher, "I know it was wrong. I'm sorry...I don't know what to say. Cas..."

He shook his head; eyes narrowed again, "You know it was a trap? The angel's don't really want Adam as the vessel. He's the bait. They're counting on the fact that Dean will try to rescue him. It's a trap, Deb, and you helped them."

She felt tears pooling in her eyes, a sharp stinging sensation as the liquid rolled down her cheeks, leaving tracks of salt and blurring her eyeliner. She closed her eyes. When he spoke again he was so close that she could feel his breath on her face, "I was actually beginning to think that you were different; special, somehow. I thought that we understood one another, you and I. I'm sorry that I was wrong."

She opened her eyes, stunned by how close he was, momentarily awestruck by how blue his eyes were, "What can I do? Let me make it up to you, let me help." Her voice sounded pathetic to her, thick with tears, pleading for a second chance from one of the only friends she'd ever had.

"That depends on what Sam and Dean decide to do." He lifted her head with his hand, "Tell me why you did it."

She opened her mouth, dumbly, searching for words but not finding any. She shook her head eventually, sighing, "I told you before. I love them and I'd do anything. But, I was stupid. I just thought that if it was over that I could, we could all, just..."

"Have a normal life?" Deb nodded as he finished the thought for her. "You dream about it often. You and Dean are similar in that respect."

Deb felt numb and weak, the strain of her life for the past five years finally piling in on her. She felt her legs give way, as she leaned her head against his shoulder, her body racked with sobs. To her surprise he didn't just let her fall, instead resting his chin on the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her. This was the closest she'd been to anyone for a long time, and she guessed the same was true for him, but in that moment it felt right.

She grasped hold of his trench coat, eyes still brimming with tears, "Cas. I don't know what to do."

His voice sounded rough with weariness, "None of us do. As I said, I don't think there is an easy answer." She felt his hands curl around the material of her shirt, mimicking her actions.

"Just tell me what to do." She looked up at him, glad to see that that his eyes had softened, "Anything I can do to help, I want to be involved. Please."

He nodded, "I will need your help. I know where Adam is, and if we go there it will be dangerous. I'll need you to follow my instructions, and not deviate from them, no matter what happens. Do you understand?" He stared at her, intently, arms still wrapped around her.

"Anything." She moved to rest her head against his shoulder again, but he pushed her back, pressing his lips against her forehead for a second. It wasn't a kiss, not really, or if it was then he obviously didn't know how to do it properly. As he left, Deb found herself thinking about how nice it had felt anyway.

(later)

As the decision had been made there was nothing left to do but sleep, and worry. Deb found that she could do neither. Instead she felt excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve. She wasn't waiting for the sound of sleigh bells, but the sound of wings. She was listening so hard that she missed them.

"Why are you awake?" She shot up in bed at the sound of his voice. He was sitting at the end of her bed, head bent to one side, studying her.

"I wanted to see if you'd come." She wrapped her arms around her knees.

"I've been here every night." He stated simply. "But usually you are not awake."

She laughed slightly, "Well, I could go to sleep if you'd prefer?"

He stood up, making his way to the window. He waved a hand at her in dismissal, "It is not of import. Do as you wish. You usually do." He muttered the last words.

She smiled, "Hey Cas, why have you been sneaking into my room every night?"

"Because I find the sound of your snoring oddly comforting." She actually noticed a small smile creep onto his face, and she laughed out loud.

She huddled further into the pillows, rolling her eyes, "Nice, Cas. You've been hanging out with Dean way too much." She watched as he made his way to her side of the bed, and sat down, nudging her legs out of the way.

"I wanted to see you tonight. I thought it was important. I don't know what will happen tomorrow." He reached a hand toward hers, his touch feather light as he stroked the back of her hand.

"You can just leave if you're going to say things like that. You make it sound like I'll never see you again." She looked up at him.

He sighed, withdrawing his hand, "Fine, I'll go." He stood. Deb pushed herself up from the bed, reaching towards him, "Wait, Jesus Cas, I didn't mean it literally. I just meant, y'know, stop talking like that. I'd like you to stay. "

He turned around and sat back down, "Ok." He shuffled his feet, head turning this way and that as he looked about the room.

Deb shook her head, "This is probably totally fucking mad, but, do you want to stay, y'know...properly?" She pulled the bed covers aside and gestured at him to come closer. Her eyes widened when she saw the look on his face. "Oh my God, I don't mean...I'm totally fucking not propositioning you or anything. I just mean, you'd probably be more comfortable..."

He looked at her and audibly gulped.

She felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment, "That is the most stupid thing I've ever, ever said. God, I'm such a dumbass. Well, actually it's probably not the most stupid thing..." She was rambling on for a good ten seconds, before she noticed that, in a flurry of bedclothes and pillows he'd climbed into the bed, fully clothed, shoes and all.

She smiled at him, "Er, ok." She thought it was probably best if she didn't ask him to take anything off. "Hey, Cas, I know you don't sleep so when you get bored of my snoring feel free to get going."

He looked at her, "I don't think I'd ever get bored of you." He turned his head to look at the ceiling. Then he looked back, "Or your snoring."

Deb laughed quietly to herself, turning her back and curling up. She soon found herself drifting off to sleep, helped by the novel and pleasant feeling of having another warm body next to her.

(the next day)

Dean stared incredulously at the building, "_This_ is where the beautiful room is?" He shook his head, taking in the chipped paintwork and general disarray of the abandoned building which housed the room where he was once kept captive.

Castiel frowned, "Where did you think it was?"

Dean shrugged, "Jupiter, or, anywhere, but not...here." The angel stared at him for a moment, shaking his head and beginning to unknot his tie. He pointed at the door in front of them, "The room is in there. That's where Adam will be."

Deb watched him with a sense of growing trepidation. Castiel had barely spoken all morning, staring out of the car window on the journey, eyes glazed over, deep in thought. She put a hand on his arm, "So, what's the plan? Are there angels in there?"

He nodded, "Five." He looked at her for a moment and then sighed, "I'll clear them out."

She opened her mouth to argue, but Dean got there first, "Wait, isn't that kind of suicidal?"

Castiel nodded, "Yes. But this way I won't have to watch any of you fail." Deb noted the way his eyes momentarily landed on her as he spoke.

She shook her head. "No. No fucking way, Cas. There has to be a better way." She was still holding his elbow, and was now shaking his arm, clinging on for dear life.

The angel turned to her, taking hold of her hand, "This is the only way. Follow me. I need your help." She allowed herself to be led round the side of the building, still searching her mind desperately for a better plan and drawing a total blank. She stared at Castiel, unconsciously at first, not really taking in what he was doing. As he started to unbutton his shirt she frowned, struck by the strangeness of the situation. She wasn't entirely sure where to look, so she settled on her feet, then her hands, then the side of the building as if each were the most fascinating things in the world for the few moments she was looking at them. When she looked back Castiel was standing in front of her, shirt open, chest bare. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Do you know how to draw a sigil?"

She nodded, "Yes. Of course. But Cas, you really didn't have to get half naked to ask me that. I actually respond quite well to simple instructions." She smiled, rolling her shirt sleeves up, "Where do you want me to draw it?"

He reached into the pocket of his trench coat, drawing out a retractable blade and placing it in her outstretched hand. He placed a hand on his chest, "Here."

Deb stared at him dumbly, "I...don't think I can do that, Cas." She swallowed, feeling the blade's handle grow damp with sweat in her hand.

"Yes you can. You have to. It has to be accurate; I can't see to do it properly." He nodded once, and opened his shirt wider, waiting.

She placed a hand on his flesh, surprised by the warmth. For a moment she stupidly wondered whether Jimmy Novak was inside there somewhere, screaming _Get your hands off! _She slipped the blade out of its sheath and moved the cold metal until it rested against his skin, raising her eyes only once to look at the angel, before she started to cut. The blood started to run over her fingers almost instantly. The blade was dull, and, much to her dismay, she found that she almost had to _saw_ at the skin to make the cuts deep enough. Her hands were sticky with blood by the time she'd finished the outer circle. Castiel stared at her intently throughout the process, which was disconcerting, but at least he wasn't in any obvious pain. She finished, backing away and dropping the blade into the grass, "I'm done."

Castiel nodded perfunctorily, as if they'd just had a cup of tea together and everything was perfectly normal. He began to button up his shirt, careful not to press the white material against the fresh, weeping cuts.

Deb stared at the grass, rubbing her fingers together, feeling the blood dry and flake off, "You're going to be ok, aren't you?" She whispered.

Before she could ask again, he'd taken hold of her forearms, "Now, promise me that you'll leave as soon as I go in. I want you to go and sit in the car. Wait for Sam and Dean. If they don't come back, then I want you to go. Promise me." He shook her until she looked at him.

"Promise me you're coming back." She stared at him, her eyes pleading.

He shook his head, frustrated, "I can't promise that. But you can, say it. You're going to wait in the car. You are not going to enter that building."

Shakily she drew in a breath and nodded, this time looking him directly in the eye.

Deb sat in the Impala, silently staring at her wristwatch as the minute hand ticked steadily round for the fourteenth time. Her hands were still stained a deep rusty colour from Castiel's blood, but she'd managed to wash most of it off with a bottle of water Dean had stashed in the glove compartment. Absurdly though, now she was wishing that she hadn't done so; that she'd left it and let it stain her own skin permanently. It was all that she deserved, since it was her fault that he was probably dead. His blood, and perhaps also Dean's and Sam's by the time this was over, was literally on her hands, and she should never, ever be allowed to forget that. Feeling a tear threatening to spill over she sniffed and clamped her hands down firmly on the steering wheel, feeling the roughness of the leather beneath her skin. She closed her eyes, trying to shake off images of her running in there, finding Zachariah and ripping his guts out. She wouldn't do it; she wouldn't break another promise. But it was as much that bastard's fault as hers; if only he'd left her alone, not confused her and not made her so unsure of every move she made. She should never have trusted him. Again, the frustration made her eyes sting and she swiped at them with the stained sleeve of her shirt. Her heart was pounding in her chest, so hard it was almost painful. Her throat felt swollen with fear, anger and what she could only imagine was grief.

She knew she'd lost him. She knew it was possible that she'd lost them all.


	5. Hammer and Anvil

Part 6: Hammer and Anvil

Author Note: This is based on _Hammer of the Gods_, so no Cas in this one, he's on sabbatical. But there is Gabriel, and Lucifer, and Deb.

Deb stared at the neon sign above her head. _Elysian Fields_, she blinked the rainwater out of her eyes and took in the rest of the building, _hm, it'll be nice not to be staying in a total shithole for a change._ She shrugged and made to follow Sam through the glass doors. Feeing a tug on her elbow she turned to face Dean. She stared at him, feeling the rain plastering her hair to her head, "What the hell, Dean? We're going to get soaked out here."

"Oh, it won't take long. I just wanted to have a quick word with you, about what happened back there."

Deb nodded, "Well, is there any reason we can't do that inside?"

Dean nodded and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, "Look, I just want to clear something up. Because, well, Zac said something damn strange right before I ganked him." He was trying to sound apologetic, but he was staring directly into her eyes which meant he wasn't sure whether he'd be able to trust her answer. "He said that you led him to Adam, when we were at Bobby's, that you sold him out."

Deb concentrated on keeping her face expressionless. She shook her head once, meeting his eyes directly.

Dean nodded and smiled slightly, "So, you did then? It's true?"

She felt her cheeks burn, "What? Dean, if someone shakes their head in our culture it's pretty much universally accepted as meaning 'no'."

He stepped closer to her, "Do me a favour, Deb. Stop talking. If you hadn't done it, if you had nothing to do with how Adam ended up with the angels, then you would have reacted like you always do to false accusations; with insane rage...and lots of swearing. You gave yourself away."

She sighed, "Ok, so I did it. I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I just wanted to keep you and Sam safe. I didn't want either of you to have to say yes."

His eyes widened slightly, and he snorted with laughter, "You wanted to keep us safe? Tell that to Cas!"

Deb felt tears pooling in her eyes, "Please, Dean...it was a mistake."

"I know that Deb. It doesn't stop me being angry." He pushed the glass doors open, and turned back to look at her, "Just stay away from me for awhile, ok."

Deb rubbed at her hair with the towel, and then threw it onto the floor in a rumpled, damp pile. She sat on the bed, closing her eyes, "Ok Cas, come on. I need to speak to you." She peeked through the corner of one eye, looking for any sign of the angel. "Please Cas. Get your ass down here now." She looked up at the ceiling, and then wondered why she was doing so since he wouldn't be in heaven anyway. She sighed and let a tear run down her face, "Cas, you're the only person I can speak to now. Please, help me out here. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I do goes wrong, and I'm scared about where I'm heading. Please Cas..." Nothing, not a sound. She shook her head, "I don't believe that you're dead. I won't believe that." Just when she'd almost given up she heard it, the soft sound of wing beats behind her. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, she stood up, and blindly threw herself against the person she assumed was Cas.

"Woah lady, you move fast!" That was definitely not Cas, she thought to herself. Slowly she pushed herself away from the person she had thrown herself at and backed towards the bed.

Looking at the archangel formerly known as The Trickster she sighed and again turned her eyes to the ceiling, "Why are you punishing me?" She questioned the deity that Cas had called Father. "What have I done to deserve him turning up?" She glared at the angel, who simply grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her.

God didn't appear to want to answer her so she asked directly, "Ok Gabriel, whatever it is you're going to do just go ahead and do it. If you've come to play a prank on us for outing you then go ahead, just make it snappy."

The archangel shook his head, "Oh boy do I wish I was here for that."

"Then what?" She rubbed her face with her hand.

He grabbed her upper arms and looked into her eyes; he actually seemed serious for a change, "Listen, something extremely bad is going to happen here. I need to get you, and the two meatheads you hang around with, out of here, now."

Deb blinked, "What is going on?"

Gabriel sighed, "I don't have time to explain right now. Just trust me, ok. Find the boys and get out while you still can." He turned away and walked towards the window, muttering something that sounded like, "While I think you still can."

She was about to question him further when there was a sharp knocking at the door. When she turned back to look at him he was gone. Typical, she thought. The door swung open and on the other side stood a slightly perturbed looking Sam and a still pissed off looking Dean. Sam smiled, "Hey, something strange is going on. We could use your help." Dean snorted slightly, to be met with a sharp dig to the ribs from Sam.

Deb sighed, nodding, "Yeah, I know. Look, I was thinking maybe..."

Dean glared at her, "We don't have time for this. We have to go now." He stalked off down the corridor, leaving her standing in the doorway with Sam. He rolled his eyes and pulled her into the corridor, "Don't worry about it, you know how he gets sometimes."

She followed the pair around the now seemingly deserted hotel, trying to find an appropriate time to speak to them about her conversation with Gabriel. She opened her mouth as they entered the kitchen, only to be soundly shushed by them both. She rolled her eyes and moved away from them in frustration. There was a dull thudding coming from the back of the kitchen, so she moved towards the sound purposefully, keeping her eyes locked on the freezer door as she got closer. As she neared the source of the noise the pounding grew louder, and more frantic. She picked up speed, and as she closed in she could see a face in the small circle of glass mounted in the door. That was when they started to scream. She ran towards the door, hearing Sam and Dean moving behind her. Just as she reached out towards the door, she found herself back in her room, falling face first against the wardrobe. "What the fuck?" she murmured, just before her forehead connected with the wood.

Gabriel looked down at her, "Yep, me again. I thought maybe you'd forgotten our last meeting, since you're all still here."

Deb shook her head, trying to clear her vision. Seeing one of Gabriel was bad enough, but seeing two of him was what she imagined the seventh circle of hell would be like. She groaned, slapping a hand against her forehead.

"Fine. Well now, I have to go and rescue those two knuckleheads from certain death, and then we can have a chat about how the hell we're going to get you out of here." He started to move away.

Before he could Deb reached out and grabbed onto his leg, effectively stopping him from leaving the room without taking her with him, "Wait, tell me what's going on."

Gabriel sighed, "It's the pagan gods, ok. They're having a general meeting about how to deal with this little apocalypse situation. And Kali is in charge, meaning that the solution will probably involve a lot of bloodshed and destruction."

Deb frowned, "Kali? The Destroyer?" She looked up at him.

He nodded, "Yes. Good, her reputation precedes her then, which means I don't have to waste any more time explaining." With that he brushed aside her hand and vanished.

Standing up, giving her head a final shake, she made her way to the door. Rattling the handle several times it was clear that the door was somehow locked from the outside. _No exit this way,_ she thought. Looking around her she searched for another escape route. There was only the window, and it was a long way down to the ground from here. She looked out of the window searching, in vain, for any handy drainpipes or lintels that would give her a hand hold if she did decide to make the climb. Sighing she made her way back to the bed. Not for the first time that night, she found herself sinking back down on the mattress waiting for someone to tell her what to do next.

(later)

Deb sighed as the Winchesters faced off with the archangel. She stepped in front of them, "Guys, it's not his fault. He's trying to help."

Dean rounded on her, "Oh really? Is that what he told you?" He shook his head, "Seriously, what is it with you and angels, huh?"

Gabriel piped up again, "What she said. Dean, you can think what you like, but right now I am your only chance of getting out of here alive." He raised his eyebrows.

"Fine. So just zap us out of here then."

Gabriel shook his head, "Can't do that, unfortunately it's too late." He glanced at Deb for a moment, "Kali has you guys by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell; you're on a leash."

Dean sighed, "So what do we do then?"

Sam looked at his brother, and then at Deb, a plan forming in his mind, "If these gods want a pop at Lucifer then why can't we join them? I mean, we seem to want the same thing, right? If Lucifer comes here, then we've got another shot at him."

Deb shook her head, "No..." but was swiftly cut off by Gabriel. "Again, what she said. That's a stupid idea. Lucifer will make finger paint out of them all. You don't want to be here when he arrives."

Dean nodded, "Fine, fine. You go and do whatever you have to do to get Kali off our backs." Gabriel sprayed breath freshener in his mouth, and Dean grimaced slightly, "In the mean time, we're going to go and rescue the human larder." He glanced at Deb, "You coming?"

(later)

Deb moaned as her hands were yanked harder behind her back. She glared across at Dean, "Of course the plan didn't work. It was never going to work. It was a stupid plan." He stared back at her. "I just hope you know who is ok, otherwise we're totally fucking screwed." She was shoved through the heavy wooden doors and into a large room. Her heart fell as she met Gabriel's eyes for a second, before being pushed into a chair.

Dean sneered at her, "You were saying?"

If looks could kill Dean would definitely be deceased. As she turned her head away from him, she noticed that the woman wearing a name badge that identified her as Kali had moved towards her. She was beautiful, Deb thought, absolutely stunning, but everything about her screamed that she was dangerous. She flinched slightly as Kali reached out a hand to touch her face, "You must be Deborah." The woman murmured.

Deb nodded, "Yes... D...Deb." She stuttered.

Despite everything Kali had a gentle smile and she didn't appear to mean Deb any harm, at least not for now. "It's nice to meet you, Deb." Deb sucked in a huge breath as the goddess moved away; finally realising that she'd held her breath throughout the entire encounter.

She watched Kali walk towards Gabriel, she moved towards him in a similar way, stroking his face. But she knew; Deb could tell, she wasn't smiling this time, she knew what Gabriel was and she was going to make him pay. She stood up, clearing her throat, "Kali? I know you're probably angry, but we want Lucifer dead as well. We could work together."

The goddess smiled at her again, her hand had slid lower and she was searching inside Gabriel's jacket, "I wish it was that simple. He lied to me, to all of us. He could be a spy."

She shook her head, "But he's not. He did lie, but he wants the same thing we all do. We can do this together. Please."

Kali pulled out the blade, holding it up to the light, "An archangel's blade." She stared at Deb. "Surely you know what it feels like to want vengeance more than anyone else in this room. More even than Sam and Dean. You should understand how I feel."

Deb blinked back a tear, it wouldn't help to show weakness now, "Kali, don't do this."

The goddess had stopped smiling, "Sorry Deb, it doesn't work like that." She looked back to Gabriel, leaning closer again.

Deb had her eyes closed, but she still heard the scream. She felt a hand close around her own; it was Sam pulling her back into her chair. Suddenly she was aware of another hand on her shoulder, as Dean stood beside her.

"Ok, listen up you primitive sons of bitches..." He started.

Deb gasped slightly; looking up at him, even for Dean this was scaling new heights of insanity. She sensed Sam shifting uncomfortably in the chair next to her.

"As much as I would usually be trying to kill you all, you dicks, Deb here is right. We all want the same thing." He picked up a glass, taking a swig, "So, I've decided to help you. We can bring Lucifer to you."

Kali walked towards him, and even Dean seemed to shrink slightly under her gaze, "How?"

(later)

Deb watched as Dean left the room, heading towards the kitchens. At least they would be able to save some lives here, even if they couldn't protect themselves. She watched from the sidelines as Baldur and Kali argued over whether the best way to remove the protective seal from Sam's ribs was to 'squeegee it off', or simply to break them. Everything seemed to speed up then. Dean re-entered the room, shouting at Kali and waving a knife at her. The lights overhead flickered and her head began to ache. Sam was suddenly beside her, shouting at Baldur to get them out. And then he was there, and even though she'd never met him before she knew it was him. Lucifer.

He nodded at them, "Sam, Dean; good to see you again." His eyes lingered on her for a second and she shuddered, "Deb. I admit I didn't think I'd be seeing you so soon, but it's a pleasure all the same."

He made quick work of Baldur, driving his arm through the man like he was made of butter. Deb watched in amazement as Kali glowed bright orange, fire creeping up her arms and snaking out towards Lucifer. The attack must have failed at some point, although Deb missed it, because the next thing she knew Kali was lying at her feet and Lucifer was walking towards them. She glimpsed Sam and Dean behind a table, gesturing at her; Dean mouthing the words 'get your ass over here, now' at her.

Lucifer stopped, looked down at Kali and then back up at her, "Deb, I'm going to need you to move out of the way now."

She felt her knees shaking beneath her again, afraid suddenly that she'd fall and that he'd be the only one standing close enough to catch her. She looked down at the goddess, and then shook her head silently.

He moved closer, reaching a hand out to her face and she flinched, backing away. He reached again, stepping closer, "What happened to your head?" Finally she could move no further and his hand made contact with her skin, "You don't need to be afraid of me." She closed her eyes and there was a tingling sensation. He was right, her head had hurt where she'd hit it against the wardrobe, and now the pain was gone.

Suddenly, his fingers raked across her face as he flew backwards. There was a massive cracking sound as he hit the door. Deb frowned, _did I do that?_ she thought for a moment, and then she heard the voice.

"Luci, I'm home." She looked to her side. Gabriel. He winked at her and then bent down, offering his arm to Kali and pulling her up. He gestured at Sam and Dean, "Guys, get them out of here."

As they moved past Lucifer, Deb linked her arm through Kali's pulling her towards the door. She met Lucifer's eyes once, and he was smiling strangely, which made her move faster. She looked back at Gabriel and smiled, nodding at him once in salute, and then they were running down the corridor as fast as their legs would carry them.

(the next day)

Deb sat on a bench drinking take-out coffee while the boys finished watching Gabriel's bad amateur porno. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to look as Dean sat down beside her. She held the coffee cup out to him, "Want some?"

He shook his head, and looked at her, "No. But, I do want to apologise. I mean, don't get me wrong, you screwed up big time with the Adam thing, but...we all make mistakes, and I've been a total dick. So, I'm sorry, ok?"

Deb nodded, "It means a lot, Dean. Thanks." She looked down at her lap, "If it means anything, I'm so sorry about what I did." Her voice cracked slightly, "You can't even know how sorry I am..."

He moved closer, putting his arm round her, "Hey, none of that, this isn't some kinda chick flick moment, y'know." He smiled as she grinned despite herself. "Listen, we have a plan now. And we're going to get Cas back."

She looked at him, drying her eyes, "I hope you're right."

Dean stood, suddenly uncomfortable with the amount of caring and sharing that was going on. He raised his arms wide, "Hey, of course I am. When have I ever been wrong?"


	6. Les Malheurs

Part 6: Les Malheurs

Author Note: Ok, so, I wanted to explore what happened when Cas woke up in hospital and found himself human. So, I've changed things from the show slightly to have him contact Deb first of all; mostly in order to continue building their relationship, but also to have Deb by herself for a little while and allow Lucifer to start pestering her. Let me know what you think.

Deb grumbled and tried to bury her head under a pillow as her cell phone glowed and whirred madly on the table next to her. Not opening her eyes she darted a hand out from under the covers and scrabbled around until her fingers closed around the device. Mashing the buttons slightly, she finally found the one that connected the call and raised it to her ear, the noise she made not even vaguely resembling a word.

"Deb?"

Her eyes snapped open; she'd know that voice anywhere. She rubbed her face briskly, trying to wake herself up, "Cas? Cas, is that actually you? I thought you were dead! Well, I didn't want to believe it, but I guess after awhile I just gave up hope, anyway..." She shook her head, knowing she was rambling again, "Look Cas, just get here now. I want to see you." She was about to press the disconnect button when she heard him reply.

"I can't. I need your help."

Deb blinked the remaining sleep from her eyes, "Sure. Anything. Where are you anyway?"

There was no answer for a moment and all Deb could hear was his breathing, "I'm in hospital."

She sat up, frowning, "Ok...well, are you alright?" Her stomach was churning slowly; something wasn't right.

"Not really. I need you to... can you just...I need to catch an airplane." She heard him sigh softly.

Deb shook her head, "What? Wait a minute; you're an angel, Cas. Do you have amnesia? You can just...shazzam over here, why would you need to catch a flight?" She pushed the covers back and slipped out of the bed, "Just hold on a sec, Cas. I'm going to wake Dean up."

"No. Don't do that. Deb, please, can you just...come get me?" Now his voice sounded desperate, almost pleading, and afraid and, somehow, that made her feel distinctly uncomfortable.

She sat back down on the edge of the bed, "Cas, I can't just walk out on Sam and Dean in the middle of the night. They'll go fucking crazy."

"Please, I'm asking because you're the only one who can help me. I can't...I don't know whether I can do this alone." There was a slight crack in his voice as he said the last words and she found herself nodding. She'd missed him, she realised, everything about him; the cryptic way he said things, his ridiculously over-precise way of speaking, and his clumsiness with social convention. She found herself scribbling down the name of the hospital on an old receipt she'd found in her jeans pocket.

She swapped the cell to her other ear, "Cas. I'm sorry, ok. Whatever's happened to you, it's my fault. I know that, and I'm sorry. I'll do anything I can to help."

He sighed again, his voice hardening, "I don't _want _to blame you Deb. Just get here as quickly as you can."

(later)

Deb watched the beads of condensation roll across the outside of the airplane window. Her eyelids felt prickly and heavy and, moment by moment, she could feel them sinking, threatening to close altogether and let sleep claim her. She had left Sam and Dean a note on Bobby's kitchen table, not wanting them to be overly worried about her. Part of her wished she was still curled up in bed in Bobby's spare room, but if she was being honest she hadn't been sleeping so well since Cas had gone anyway. In fact, the best night's sleep she'd had in a long time was when Cas had stayed with her, tucked up under the covers wearing his trench coat, body angled as far away from hers as possible. She smiled, thinking how uncomfortable he probably felt with that whole situation. She jerked, her nervous system struggling to keep her awake, but to no avail. Slowly her eyes closed and her head lolled against the window as she fell into a deep sleep.

When she opened her eyes she was on a park bench, beside a children's playground. She could sense someone sitting next to her, "Hello Deb, it's nice to see you again." As she looked around she noticed that the playground wasn't empty. Two children were playing on the swing set. A dark haired boy was attempting to swing right over the top bar, laughing and whooping out loud as he tried. Next to him was a younger girl, with light brown hair, being pushed by a man Deb assumed was her father. She was obviously more wary, and she cried out every time the swing went too high. They all had their backs to her, but she was comforted by the scene nonetheless. It was the type of normal childhood she'd never had. She smiled and looked to her side, surprised that she didn't even flinch when she met his eyes.

Lucifer smiled back, reaching a hand out to touch her forehead where he'd healed her, "How are you feeling, Deb?"

She edged away slightly, "I'm fine thanks."

"You look a little upset." He was doing his best impression of a look of genuine concern, but it didn't quite ring true.

She shrugged and looked down at the ground, "Well, don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to be rude or anything. But, I'm getting a little sick of you guys...angels, I mean, visiting me while I'm asleep."

Lucifer shook his head, laughing slightly, and stood up, "I think we both know that's not entirely true don't we? I can think of one notable exception to that little rule." He gestured at her to follow him.

She stood but kept her feet firmly rooted in position, "Listen, I must be fucking crazy asking you this question, but, can you please just tell me the truth? Can you tell me what exactly my part in this is supposed to be? I don't know who or what to believe anymore! I'm going out of my mind!" She waved her hands about in the air, "I mean, up until recently I had Zac telling me that I'm doomed to sell Dean out by running off with Sam and letting him say yes to you. Oh, and he also mentioned something about you offering me a choice. What the fuck is that all about?" Lucifer remained silent, arms crossed, a small half smile on his face. "Then, to top it off, I don't know what the fuck is going on with me and Cas, or what the hell it is that I'm actually feeling. Y'know what? If I had some magical gun in my hand right now, that was 100% guaranteed to be able to kill you, but only had one bullet, I'm not entirely sure I wouldn't just fire it right into my own fucking skull." She sighed, lowering herself back onto the bench. "So, please, do me a favour and just tell me what's going on."

He shook his head, eyes narrowed in disgust, "You humans, you're never content to just let things play out are you? You always want to jump ahead, read the spoilers, and know how things are going to end. I'm afraid Deb, that I have just as much of a taste for the dramatic withholding of information as Zachariah did. So, you'll just have to wait and see."

She stood up again, glaring at him, "You're a ..." he raised his eyebrows, waiting. "fucking prick." She nodded her head, as though certain she'd found the most appropriate curse word to describe him. "Y'know what, it doesn't matter anyway. You're not going to win. We're going to shove you right back into your little cage in hell. And you're right, I don't fucking care what any of you say is going to happen. I know for a fact I won't be making any frigging deals with you anyway."

His face grew serious suddenly, "It's not a deal. Not really. You have no choice; you _will_ bring Sam to me. It may not happen exactly as Zachariah chose to show it, but it will happen nonetheless. And when it does, I will give you a choice." He stepped towards her, "You may not have figured it out yet, but you don't survive this. You're _not_ going to be a long running character. The choice is about what you want to happen to you after you die."

She shook her head, "Fuck off. I won't choose anything. If I'm going to die, then I'm going to die. What does it matter?"

"We'll see about that. Trust me, it'll be fun." He backed off, "But, for now, you have other things to be getting on with."

She jolted out of sleep, startling a passenger next to her who stared at her as though she'd grown an extra head. She closed her eyes again, waiting for her heart to slow down. She needed Cas, more than she had ever realised. Everything just seemed too big, too overwhelming without him around. The sun had risen while she was asleep and she went about the tedious task of going through customs and making her way through the terminal; all the while imagining that Cas was by her side. She'd been doing that a lot recently, imagining what television shows he might like to watch, which muffin he'd choose to go with his coffee. She guessed that doing that pretty much officially classed her as sad, but she couldn't help herself. Throwing her bag into a taxi she pulled the scribbled receipt out of her pocket, staring at the name of the hospital.

(later)

She walked down the corridor, taking in the clinical white walls and the smell of bleach. This was the last place she would have expected to find someone like Cas, particularly as a patient. She approached the nurses' desk and smiled, "Hey, er, I'm looking for someone who got brought in a few days ago. Dark hair, kinda...cute. Goes by the name Cas."

The plump, fair haired woman smiled kindly and nodded, walking round the desk, "Yeah, I think I know who you mean." They walked further down the corridor, until they reached a room at the end with the door closed. "He's in there." Deb was about to walk in, when the nurse put a hand on her arm, "If you're taking him home today just be kind to him, look after him. I've never seen someone look so...defeated."

Deb steeled herself as the nurse walked away, turning and knocking softly on the door before entering. The moment he saw her he tried to sit up but immediately fell back onto the bed, gasping in pain. She rushed towards him, placing a hand on his chest to ease him down, and he winced at the contact. Pulling away she realised she'd placed her hand directly over the area where she'd carved the sigil, _but that shouldn't matter, it should've healed by now_, she thought. She studied his chest for a moment, thoughtfully, before looking at him. When she met his eyes, she knew. She stared at him, "You're human."

"Yes." As he nodded, she thought for a moment that he was actually going to cry, The idea of seeing that alarmed her so much that she did the only thing she could think of and leant down to kiss his forehead gently.

"Don't worry, Cas. We'll sort everything out."

He watched her as she moved around the room, collecting his clothes and his coat from the small locker by the window, "Thank you. You understand why I called you now I hope. I could not have asked Dean; he needs my help now and, like this, I'm useless to him."

Deb shook her head, "Don't say that. We just have to let you rest for a little while."

"We don't have a little while."

She ignored him, laying his clothes in a neat pile at the end of the bed, "Ok, I'll go and speak to the nurse. Get dressed, and then we'll get you discharged. We can go to a hotel and figure out how we're going to get your mojo back." She headed to the door, but stopped as she heard him groan slightly.

Seeing him struggling to even sit up without help tugged at her heart in a way not many things did anymore. She rushed back towards him and took his hands, looking at him, "Just take it easy. Move slowly." She pulled his hands until he was in a sitting position, and then supported his weight as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. She was surprised by how light he felt; the last time she'd supported him like this she'd thought her spine was going to snap. Finally he was on his feet, hands holding onto her waist as he tried to figure out whether he could stand unaided. She moved backwards slightly, letting go, arms still outstretched in case he fell. Despite a slight wobble he seemed to be coping quite well, so she turned to the door, "I'll just give you some space."

He nodded, looking down at the pile of clothes on the bed, "Thank you. You're a true... friend."

After signing the discharge papers Deb sat and stared at the leaflets displayed on the notice board. When Cas finally emerged from his room she smiled slightly; he sure looked human. His tie hung loosely around his neck and his coat was draped untidily under one arm; he had the dishevelled look of a business man who'd been on an all night bender. As she eyed him carefully she realised that he needed a shave, and began to think that maybe Sam or Dean would have been more use to him after all. What did she know about teaching an angel to be human, let alone a human of the male persuasion? When he looked up at her she gave him a small smile, which understandably he did not return, and linked her arm through his guiding him slowly towards the exit. As they passed the desk, the nurse she'd initially spoken to caught her eye and smiled, "Take care both of you."

When they were on the street Deb took the opportunity to really look at him, and wished she hadn't. He looked so pale, broken and, worst of all, absolutely terrified. Deb thought that seeing Castiel; an angel of the Lord, a soldier of heaven; looking terrified was perhaps one of the most frightening experiences she'd had in her life.

(later)

Castiel sat on the end of the bed, shaking his head, arms crossed.

Deb sighed and held up the bottle of disinfectant solution for his inspection, "Please, Cas. Let me look at it. I carved it onto your chest; I just want to make sure it doesn't get infected. Ok?" She raised her eyebrows.

He just shook his head sullenly, not meeting her gaze, "It will be fine."

She threw her hands in the air, exasperated, "Come on, Cas. Help me out here. I mean, you called me here to help you, but now you won't let me. What's going on?"

He shook his head, "I don't know. It just seems wrong." Finally he looked at her, "Tell me, do women often do this kind of thing with male friends?"

She had to choke back her laughter, "Er, no. Cas, nothing about this situation is normal." She shrugged.

He tilted his head slightly, studying her, and then nodded slightly, hands reaching up to his top shirt button. Then he stopped, considering, "Would you do the same thing for Sam? Or Dean?"

Deb thought about the question for a moment, and then nodded, "Sure." Castiel narrowed his eyes, as if trying to assess whether she was telling the truth, "I've done similar things for them tonnes of times; cleaning wounds, stitching them up..." _Only thing is,_ she thought, _I don't remember getting quite so excited about doing it for them_. She cleared her throat, uncomfortably, and turned her face away from him.

"Fine, in that case, I will let you help." And before she knew it he was shirtless again, waiting for her to get on with the job. As she studied the sigil she'd carved into his flesh, any less than wholesome thoughts she'd been having about him fell out of her mind. The wound was red and looked angry. She sighed and began to dab at the cuts with cotton wool and disinfectant. He'd been silent when she carved the sigil, and luckily he remained silent as she worked now, but clearly he was in a lot of pain. When she looked up he was wincing. "I'm sorry Cas. I won't be long."

When she'd finished she snapped the lid back on the bottle and moved to place it back in her bag, "All done. You can get dressed again." When she turned back he'd put his shirt on, but it was hanging on his shoulders, unbuttoned.

"What you said in the hospital; about getting my...mojo back. I don't think it's going to happen, I think it's gone for good." Castiel hung his head.

She opened her mouth, feeling like she should argue with him. But she realised she didn't know what to say.

He looked at the ceiling, shaking his head, "How can I go back to Dean like this?" He looked at her, "I doubted him, I thought he was going to fail. Maybe this is my punishment."

Deb stood, open-mouthed, wishing she could think of something to say. She cursed herself; why did this always happen? When it was important, when somebody needed comfort, she couldn't think of a damn thing that might help. She jumped as she felt her cell buzzing in her pocket, and swore quietly under her breath as she pulled it out, "Yeah?"

"Deb? It's Dean." He didn't sound _too_ pissed off, which was always a good sign. "Are you with Cas? Is he ok? Can I speak to him?"

She glanced at Castiel, "No, Dean, he's not really ok." Cas's eyes widened and he began to look panicked. Deb walked towards the bathroom, closing the door behind her and leaning against it, "Listen, I need a few days, just to get things sorted. He's not doing so good at the moment. Can you give me that? Just a few days?"

"Sure. I'm going after Pestilence. Just so you know. But...just make sure he's alright." There was a pause, and a sigh, "How about you? Are you ok?"

Deb rested her head against the door, "Yeah, I'm fine." She lied. "Just be careful, ok. Don't die."

He laughed, "Sure. See you soon."

She closed her eyes, still leaning against the door, fighting back tears. From behind her there was a soft knock at the door.

(later)

Deb slid under the covers, revelling in the softness of the mattress beneath her and the coolness of the sheets. She had been waiting all day for the peace that sleep would, hopefully, offer her. She tensed slightly as she felt the covers move on the other side of the bed, and turned to see Castiel manoeuvring himself into a sleeping position.

He caught her eye, and began to sit back up, "I'm sorry. I should not have assumed it would be ok for me to sleep here."

She reached out, "Cas, of course it's ok. You need to sleep." She rolled further towards her edge of the bed, trying to give him room and fighting the strong urge she had to roll over, grab him and never let go.

It was Cas who moved closer. She felt him, moving slowly across the bed, until his arm brushed hers under the covers and she jumped slightly at the sensation of skin on skin. She smiled and moved her hand down his arm, entwining her fingers with his when she reached his hand.

Just as she had last time, with him beside her, she soon fell asleep; but the minute she opened her eyes to find herself back in the playground she knew she would have no rest. She looked to the side, and groaned.

"Hello, Deb. I thought maybe we could talk a little bit more about this choice you have to make. I'll show you. "Lucifer waved his arm at the scene around them.

She looked around, noticing the same two kids playing on the swing set; the same dark haired man, their father, pushing the nervous little girl whilst the young boy kicked his legs, swinging higher and higher. She looked back at the devil, "This is one of my choices? Sitting in a kid's playground watching someone playing happy families? Gee, thanks."

He shook his head, "Look closer."

She stood and began to walk around the swing set. The little girl's hair was light brown, with streaks of blonde bits, bleached by the sun, running through it. A bit like her own. As she moved round she could make out their faces. She didn't know the kids, but she did know the man. It was the same man she'd fallen asleep next to just a few minutes before. Feeling a tap on her shoulder she looked up.

Lucifer pointed at a bench off to the side, which had been obscured by the swings from where Deb was previously sitting. Looking over she gasped. It was her. Or someone that looked like her, but happier. She was smiling, and laughing. She was pregnant. Deb closed her eyes, "I want to wake up now."

"Deb, all you have to do is bring Sam to me. Just one little thing and I'll make sure you have this for eternity. You'll be dead, but you'll be happy. Fair trade, right?"

"And if I don't bring him to you?"

"Then you'll still die, I'll make sure of it, and you won't be given a choice. I'll decide for you. But you will bring him to me. I have faith. It will happen soon, in Detroit. I'll be waiting for you."

When she woke her hand was still curled up in Cas's. She looked down at him. He was asleep, actually asleep, for the first time in his life and she didn't want to wake him up. But she felt so desperately alone. Turning she placed her head as close to his as she dared, looking at his peaceful features, curling up next to him without touching, feeling the heat radiate from him.

So, this was her part in things? Zac had been right? She was supposed to orchestrate this whole fight between Lucifer and Michael; get Dean to say yes, then get Sam to say yes just to save her own skin? She rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling. Both Heaven and Hell had obviously massively overestimated the amount of influence she had over the Winchesters. She found herself wondering what her other choice was. She imagined herself in Hell, bound, tortured, alone forever. From the brief conversations she'd had with Dean she knew he'd almost broken, had broken in a way by taking up Alistair's knife; she wondered whether she was strong enough to endure that. Maybe she was; if she defied Lucifer and just kept Sam as far away from him as possible, then she'd be punished, but maybe she could bear that if it meant Sam and Dean would be alright. She thought about what Lucifer had shown her; a normal life, kids, a husband. She _did _want those things, more than anything. Maybe she wanted them even if they wouldn't be real. She thought of Cas. When he had a choice; rebel, fall, and help them or follow orders; he'd chosen to help them despite everything, all the hardship he'd endured since. Surely she could do that too, for her friends. But as she closed her eyes again, she felt a nagging feeling deep in her stomach, which told her that she wasn't as strong as Cas, or Dean. Maybe Zac was right. Maybe, deep down, she'd already made her choice.


	7. Don't Speak

Part 7: Don't Speak

(Author Note: I'm SO sorry for not updating. I have had a hell of a time recently, and as things are starting to get a little better I thought I'd post something. A fairly short chapter, but one that sees Deb and Cas spending more time together in a motel room. Will they, won't they...)

Deb opened her eyes and immediately moved backwards, almost falling out of the narrow motel bed in her haste. Castiel, who had obviously been awake for quite some time, continued to stare at her, his face slightly crumpled in confusion. She chewed the inside of her cheek, trying to hold herself back from admonishing him too much, "Hey Cas, anyone ever tell you that it's rude to stare?"

He shook his head, his eyes flicking upwards minutely, "Your hair looks...strange." She could have sworn that at that moment a slight smirk crossed his features.

She grinned and rolled her eyes, reaching a hand up to assess just how many tangles she was dealing with, "Smooth, Cas." She pushed the covers back and began to search around the room for her hairbrush. When she finally found it buried underneath a towel she'd discarded last night she turned and pointed at him with it, "And y'know what, buddy, same right back at you. You don't look as immaculately coiffed as usual. Guess it comes with the territory of being one of us." The minute the words left her mouth she wanted to physically kick herself. His face fell and he moved a hand upwards to touch his hair. As she looked at him she realised it was true, he really did look _different_. His hair was flatter, his skin was sallow and there were dark patches beneath his eyes. His stubble was threatening to turn into actual full-on facial hair. For a moment, her mind brought back an image of the Cas she had met in the future and she realised that her Castiel was slowly but surely turning into him.

Castiel was still gazing into space, but his hand had found its way to the thin gauze covering the sigil on his chest. He winced as he touched it.

Grateful of the need for practical action, Deb busied herself collecting antiseptic cream and more bandages. She made her way over to the end of the bed, "Does it hurt? Do you want me to take a look again?"

He shook his head, raising his head to meet her gaze, "I want to call Dean. I think it's time I explained things to him." Deb reached across to her bedside table and picked up her cell phone, placing it on the bed in front of Castiel. He nodded his head in thanks, "What do you think he will say when he finds out?"

Deb shrugged, "I don't think he'll care, Cas. Not really. I mean, I think he'll feel bad for you, but, to be honest, I don't think he really sees you as an angel anymore. I think he sees you as a friend." She remembered the conversation she'd had with Dean last night, "He's worried about you, Cas. As much as he hates to admit it, he does have feelings. I think he'd appreciate a call." She stood up and made her way to the bathroom.

His voice made her turn around, "And what about you? What do you think about me now that I'm...like this?"

Deb sighed and stared at him, "I don't give a shit what you are, Cas. It doesn't change a thing about how I think about you or what I feel for you." Realising that she was treading dangerously close to getting herself into trouble again she turned and shut the bathroom door behind her before he could question her further. She studied herself in the small, cracked mirror in the bathroom cabinet and shook her head.

_What exactly do you think you were about to do back there? _She silently yelled at herself. _Confess undying love? Admit that you're having these immensely messy, complicated feelings about him and that you totally and utterly regret suggesting to him that you should never have sex? _ She could hear Cas's voice from beyond the door. He'd obviously called Dean. It was a good thing, she thought. The sooner they could rejoin the Winchester's the better, being alone here with Cas was becoming unbearable. Deb turned the water on in the shower, twisting the tap until it was scolding, and eased herself under the stream. She had to fight a sudden urge to touch herself in a way that she hadn't done for a very, _very_ long time and certainly never whilst she'd been stone cold sober. She groaned in frustration as the water poured over her. The voice in her head continued to scream at her, _If you actually let yourself get carried away with these feelings, it's all over. You know he can never love you back, he's not capable. If you fall for him and he rejects you, you'll do as Lucifer asks without a second thought. You know it. You're weak. _She shook herself, mentally and physically, as she stepped out of the shower. She needed to be ready, to hold things together for everyone's sake. She yanked the door open, surprised to see Castiel standing directly in front of her, holding her cell phone out. "We don't have much time. We have to go back."

She nodded and stepped around him, being careful not to make contact, moving towards her bag. Much to her annoyance he followed her, and she could feel him standing close by as she rooted through her things. "Deb, I wanted to ask about what you said before." _Shit, _she thought, _how come he always manages to pick the most uncomfortable topic__? _"When you said that you would think and feel the same about me no matter what, what did you mean?"

She sighed and turned around, heading back towards the bathroom, "Look Cas, I like you ok. I like you just fine. Can we just leave it at that?"

He grasped hold of her wrist, gently but tight enough that she had to turn and look at him, "Please, I need you to...quantify our relationship in some way. I'm new to this whole thing; I don't know what it is I'm feeling. Sometimes, I feel very...comfortable with you, and then, just as I think I understand you, you pull away from me or make a joke or say something rude. I don't know what that means." He stared at her, and then looked at the floor as he thought for a moment, "Do you feel the same for me as you do for Dean?"

Deb blinked, opening her mouth and then snapping it shut again. She shook her head mutely wishing, probably unfairly, that he could just figure it out for himself so that she wouldn't have to explain it to him. She groaned in frustration, "No, Cas, I don't feel the same way for Dean. It's totally fucking different."

"I don't know what you mean." He intoned, frowning at her.

In that moment Deb realised why she had always found his utter cluelessness infuriating. Her eyes widened for a moment and, just as she was about to utter a string of expletives that would suitably express her feelings, she found herself moving forwards and grasping his face between her hands. He looked confused momentarily, his almost perpetual expression, until she pressed her lips against his. The kiss was hard and bruising, almost a punishment for making her resort to telling him in this way. Her teeth clashed with his several times, but he didn't make a move to push her away and so it was her, eventually, who ended the kiss. She stared at him, dejected to see that he still looked confused, "That's what I mean, Cas. And if you don't understand that, then I don't know what I have to fucking do to make it clearer." She wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the bathroom again, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Shit! Motherfucking, fucking...shit." She rested her head against the mirror in the bathroom cabinet, rolling her eyes slightly as she heard a soft knocking at the door. As the door slowly creaked open she turned to face him, leaning back against the sink with her arms crossed.

He looked at her, his face as serious as it had ever been, "Deb, I think you misunderstand me. My lack of reaction to what just happened doesn't mean I don't feel anything. On the contrary, I do feel something; I just don't know how to describe it."

She shrugged, "That's not good enough, Cas. You could be feeling anything for all you've told me. Fear? Anger? Disgust?" She shook her head, "What?"

"You should not be so surprised that I find it difficult to explain my emotions, I was an angel up until a few days ago, and I have no experience of ever needing to explain them." He glared at her.

Deb nodded and stepped towards him, aware that pushing the issue was not what she should be doing, "Ok, well, I can help. Describe it to me, how are you feeling right now, what's happening to you?" She stared at him, trying to look empathetic but actually just revelling in the mesmerising blue depths of his eyes.

He narrowed his eyes, "Right now I want to grab you and shake you until you stop talking."

She raised her eyebrows, "Thanks for being so blunt there, Cas. I'll take a wild stab in the dark and guess that means you're feeling angry." She stepped back slightly, "You're angry with me for kissing you."

He shook his head, "No, you weren't talking when you were kissing me. So, I felt different."

"Oh hey, Cas, you know what, screw you! You're always having a go at me, saying I'm "loud" and..." It barely even registered that he'd closed the gap between them and had grasped a handful of the towel that was wrapped around her.

He clamped a hand over her mouth. "Be quiet." She was unsure who was more surprised when he replaced his hand with his lips and gently moved them against hers in a rough approximation of what she had done to him. Deb was so surprised that for at least the first few seconds she kept her eyes open, staring at him as he kissed her, until the unwritten rule that it was rude to stare when someone was trying to insert their tongue in your mouth came back to her and she flicked them shut.

She sighed as she felt his hand absentmindedly stroking the skin on the outside of her thigh. At that moment he must have realised what he was doing and his hand jolted away, as though she'd given him an electric shock. Firmly she grasped his hand and moved it back into place. _If I'm going to break the rules then I'm sure as hell going to do it properly_, she thought. He groaned and she felt him grow hard against her. Deb clenched her jaw, waiting for the usual emotions and sensations to surface; a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, a sudden desire to run, to hit out, the image of her father swimming just out of reach in her mind. None of this happened though and she pressed herself closer against him. In the distance she heard her cell phone ringing on the bedside table, simultaneously felt Cas start to pull away. "Leave it." She muttered, pulling him back.

He didn't need to be told twice, and allowed her to move him back towards her, entwining a hand into her still damp hair and moving his lips harder against hers. She sighed and reached a hand down between them, resting it against his growing erection. He jerked backwards so quickly she thought he would smack his head against the door and give himself brain damage for real. Deb put her hands over her mouth, "I'm sorry, Cas. Was that too much?"

He pulled her back into his arms, shaking his head, "No, it was perfect." He nodded his head towards the bedroom and the still ringing cell phone, "But we should get that, it might be Dean."

"Fuck Dean." She sighed and rested her head against his chest, "Jesus, Cas, don't do this to me now."

She thought she saw a shadow of a smile cross his face, "It's not easy for me either. I was actually enjoying that."

Deb rolled her eyes and sighed, "Fine." She walked to the bedside cabinet and grasped the phone, "Oh, hi Dean. How lovely to hear from you." She sat down on the bed, readjusting the towel that was still covering her, if a little precariously.

"Deb?" Dean sounded worried, stressed out. "I need you to come back. Right now. Bring Cas. Sam has this...plan, and I need your help talking him out of it."

She nodded and glanced at the alarm clock, "Sure, we're setting off in around...20 minutes. What is his plan anyway?"

"Oh no, I'm not saying anything. I want him to explain it to you himself." Dean's voice had taken on a sarcastic tone, and she realised that Sam was probably with him.

"Sure Dean, we'll see you soon." She hung up and stared at the man in front of her. He was tightening his blue tie, collecting the trench coat from the seat back where she'd tossed it. It would have been easy to think that nothing had changed between them, but when they eventually left the room she noticed that he was standing closer to her, sometimes taking her hand. On the flight she caught him glancing at her from time to time when she looked up from her book. The relationship had changed; become more human, more equal than it had ever been. When he eventually slept she thought about the brief glimpse of life with a human Cas she'd had back in the hotel room, and compared it to the images Lucifer had let her see. Could fantasy ever be better than the reality she'd seen? Even if that reality with him would maybe only last a few more weeks, or a few more days at most? She tried to convince herself again and again that she could be brave, that she could make the right decision; not just for herself but for everyone else as well. But in the end, Deb wondered whether the very real consequences of being human; fear of the unknown, an overwhelming instinct towards self-preservation; might be the deciding factors after all.


	8. Dead Souls

Part 8: Dead Souls

Deb grasped hold of the door frame, each breath she drew in through her constricted throat made her lungs feel like they were on fire. Pestilence was on the other side of the room, a swarm of flies gathered around him, a few stragglers already making their way towards Dean and Sam who were lying relatively still on the floor a few feet away. She felt Cas brush past her as he entered the room; that he was still standing was testament to the fact that he was still not entirely human. The Horseman's face fell for a moment as he turned to take in the newcomer, but when Cas dropped to his knees in front of him his face quickly melted into a grin.

Deb slid to the floor as she felt blood oozing from between her lips, dark and thick. She struggled to draw another breath as her lungs slowly filled with fluid. The sound of a short-lived scuffle made her raise her head for a final look in the Horseman's direction. The sight of him cradling his hand as blood flowed freely from the stump of his ring finger was almost enough to revive her. As he disappeared she felt the cloak of death that had been hanging over her lift, and she struggled to her feet.

She headed for Sam and Dean who were shakily getting to their feet, wiping away blood and dust from the floor. Deb checked them over, fussing around them until Dean gave her the characteristic brush off with a roll of his eyes and a comment about "chick flick" moments. She nodded at Sam in greeting, searching his face for any clues as to what the "reckless" and "stupid" plan Dean had told her about might be. He simply smiled and looked at her quizzically, nodding in Cas's direction and raising his eyebrows.

Deb glanced at Castiel, who was studying the Horseman's ring intently, before whispering "He's ok. Just about."

Dean nodded and plastered a fake smile on his face, approaching Cas and patting him on the back, "Hey, nice timing guys. We were in real trouble there."

Cas nodded once, matter-of-factly, "You're welcome. We came on a bus."

Deb grimaced as she remembered the bus journey; Cas had complained about how slowly they were moving the whole way. He'd seemingly developed a whole range of hyperactive, anxious tics since becoming human, including sighing (loudly and frequently), clicking the bones in his fingers and shoulder blades, and unconsciously grasping hold of her hand, then dropping it only to reach for it again seconds later. Being with him was exhausting at times.

Dean glanced at her, obviously thrown by Cas's stoic response and hoping that she would be able to get him to open up a bit more. She shrugged at him. If Cas didn't want to talk, then he didn't want to talk, and she sure as hell wasn't going to force the issue. Leaving Dean to continue struggling to engage Cas in conversation, she drew Sam aside, "So, we're doing ok, right? We've got three out of four rings, so that's a good sign, yeah?"

Sam nodded and shrugged his shoulders, "Well, I guess. I mean, all we have to do now is get the last ring. From Death. Then somehow convince Lucifer to jump back into his box. So, yeah, on a scale from one to ten, where ten is "we're absolutely screwed", we're on about a nine."

Deb raised her eyebrows, "Er, ok, Mr Optimistic." She glanced at Dean, who had a slight smile on his face, which made her wonder what exactly Cas was saying to him. "Right, so what's the plan then?" She turned her attention back to Sam.

"Do you mind if we speak about it later? Dean throws a bitch fit every time I mention it." He shifted slightly, looking uncomfortable.

"That good, huh?"

He nodded, "Oh yeah."

"Well, I'll look forward to that discussion then." She frowned her eyes as Cas walked past her, eyes firmly rooted to the floor. He was quickly followed by Dean, who glanced at her and winked before leaving the room. Her eyes widened slightly; she really hadn't pegged Cas for the kiss and tell type. She shook her head in disbelief and looked at Sam who had obviously caught Dean's gesture and was now grinning at her like a fool. He fell into step beside her as they left the building.

"So, you were in a hotel room with Cas for a whole night? Together? Alone?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Yep." She glared at him, "Spit it out, Sam."

"Ok. Did you have sex?"

She was always surprised by how blunt he could be when he wanted to. She turned to him and smiled widely, "Actually, no." _But, I have to admit I kinda wanted to..._ she finished silently.

(later)

Deb walked in ahead of the boys and placed a kiss on Bobby's cheek, "Hey Bobby, nice to see you."

He waved her closer and whispered, "Nice to see you too. How's our winged friend doing?"

Deb winced at the poor choice of words, "Less of the winged. You might say he's lost the use of those particular appendages."

"Sorry, Deb, are you talking about Cas's appendages again?" Sam winked at her across the table and Dean snorted out a quick burst of laughter without lifting his head from the table he'd laid it on.

She rolled her eyes, "Bite me."

Dean groaned and sat back in his chair, "Well, as much as I do enjoy the banter... Bobby, we could really do with some good news right now. Please tell me you've got something."

Bobby shrugged, "Well, Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium; sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die."

Deb blinked and stared at him, before Cas piped up from the back of the room, "I don't understand your definition of good news."

She nodded, "I have to say I agree. That was fucking grim, Bobby, even for you."

He looked up at her, "Well, the point is that Death will be there. Number four. We can stop him; get the ring, save the world. That's the plan anyway."

She stared at him, "That's absolutely flawless. Well done."

Sam stared at the paperwork on Bobby's desk, "How did you put all of this together, Bobby?"

"Yeah, and more importantly, who the fuck is that guy?" Deb pointed to the kitchen, where a dark suited man was propped against the sink with an unwholesome smirk plastered across his face. He smiled and walked towards them.

"Hello boys; pleasure etcetera. And you," He pointed at Deb, "Well, with a mouth like that, you could only be Deborah." He held out a hand, "Nice to meet you. Crowley."

She grabbed the offered hand and shook, "Er, yeah, Deb." She glanced at Dean and Sam, "Sorry, but I still feel like I'm coming in at the middle of the story here. Do you guys know him?"

Sam nodded, crossing his arms and glaring at Crowley, "Yes. Long story short; he's a demon. Don't trust him."

Deb threw her hands in the air in exasperation, "So we're working with demons again? Fantastic."

"Er, this demon just so happens to be helping." Crowley nodded in Bobby's direction, "Right Bobby? Come on, tell them. There's no shame in it."

Bobby seemed to visibly shrink under the intense stares that suddenly turned on him, "World's gonna end, seemed stupid to get all precious over one little soul." He shrugged and Crowley grinned maniacally.

Deb stared at him, "You sold your fucking soul?" Sam looked at her, then at Crowley, then back at Bobby, "Did you kiss him?"

Deb felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned to find a camera phone displaying a detailed, close-up picture of... "Fuck me." She put her hands over her mouth and nodded at Sam, "He fucking did."

Bobby groaned and sank lower in his wheelchair, mumbling, "Why'd you have to take a picture?"

The next minute Dean was standing up, shouting at Crowley and proceeding in their general direction. She shifted position to the chair Dean was just sitting in and stared at Bobby who was watching the older Winchester argue with the person who now owned his soul. He didn't look hopeful that Dean would win, and Deb didn't fancy his chances either. Sam was staring into space, as if he was contemplating the meaning of life. She narrowed her eyes at him, _Right, next thing on the agenda is this frigging plan._ Cas was resting his head on his arms, his shoulders rising up and down gently; she suspected that he'd fallen asleep, but was unsure how considering all the noise.

"Look, I can help you find Death. Do you want that or not?" Dean was still advancing on Crowley, who by this stage looked absolutely furious.

Dean stopped and looked back towards the others. Deb nodded vigorously at him, then looked at Crowley, "Yes, please. We'd appreciate the help."

Dean nodded, grudgingly, "Ok, but when it's done, you'll give Bobby his soul back."

"Bobby can have his soul back when this is done and I'm safely away from you people. Deal?" He raised his eyebrows.

Deb slammed her hand on the table, causing Cas to jump slightly, and stood up, "Yes, deal. Now, if you don't mind, we have other things to discuss." She waited until Crowley had wandered out of the room before sitting down, "I want to know the plan. Sam's plan. What is it?"

Dean crossed his arms and stared sullenly at his younger brother. Sam sighed and turned towards Deb, "Well, I got the idea from when Bobby was possessed and managed to gain control for just long enough to incapacitate himself. The way I figure it, even if we have all the rings, we still need to find a way to get Lucifer to actually go back in his cage. I doubt he's just going to jump back in by himself. So..."

"Here comes the best bit." Dean muttered.

"If I become Lucifer's vessel, then there's a chance, a small chance that I'll be able to get control for just long enough to...do what needs to be done."

Deb stared at him, "But...that was just some demon that was in Bobby, this is Lucifer...he's an angel..."

"I know. It's a long shot, but it's a chance, right?"

She shook her head, unsure what to say for the best. _Is this the bit where I'm supposed to side with Sam? Say it's a great idea and go off with him to find Lucifer? Is this how it's supposed to happen?_

"Er, Deb? A little support would be great here. It's a stupid idea, right?" Dean glared at her.

She shook her head again, standing up and walking to the stairs, not trusting herself to say the right thing, "I'm not sure whether it's a stupid idea. But, I know that I don't _want_ you to say yes if that means anything."

Dean shrugged, "Fantastic. Thanks so much for the help."

(later)

Deb looked at Cas as he hung his coat over the back of the chair in the corner of the room. She cleared her throat, "Cas, can I talk to you?" He turned to look at her, "I know you have a lot to think about at the moment, but..." she let out a shaky breath, "I'm scared, and I need to talk to someone."

He frowned, but took a seat next to her on the bed, "Of course. What's on your mind?"

"You remember awhile ago, when Zac sent me and Dean to the future?" He nodded, "Well, like I said I met you there, future you. Anyway, to cut a long story short, when I was there, I found out that we had a...relationship of some sort. Or we had sex at any rate." He shifted next to her. "But, when I asked you, future you, whether I was around, y'know, in the camp, he said no. He told me I was in Detroit, with Sam." Cas nodded at her to continue. "A couple of days later Zac visited again and took me back. He showed me you, searching for me in Detroit. You spoke to Sam, well, to Lucifer, and he told you that I had sold Sam out, made him say yes so that I could get what I wanted." A tear rolled down her cheek and she struggled to find the right words.

Cas moved closer, placing a hand on each side of her face and wiping her tears away, "Just because Zachariah showed you it, it doesn't mean it's true, Deb."

She shook her head, more tears rolling down her face, "But, Lucifer told me the same thing pretty much."

Castiel frowned, narrowing his eyes and searching her face, "When?"

"When I was on the plane coming to get you, and again in the hotel room. He told me that if I bring him Sam, convince him to say yes then he'll give me what I've always wanted." She swallowed heavily, trying to hold the tears back.

"And what is it that you want?" Cas was looking at her intently, still wiping away her tears.

Deb bit her lip, "Well, I always thought I just wanted a normal life. But, more and more, I think...I just want you." She looked down, trying hard to avoid looking into his eyes, "I know it's stupid. I know I can't..."

Then his lips were on hers again, hands tangled in her hair holding her face against his. He pulled her closer, until she was almost perched in his lap. Although the tears continued to flow, Deb collapsed against him, grateful for any warmth he was willing to show her, for any comfort he could give to her when she was so uncertain of everything else. His hands were around her waist now, slowly working their way under her shirt until his warm hands were stroking her back, cradling her against him tightly.

Deb tugged impatiently at his suit jacket, until he dropped his hands just long enough to shrug the garment off his shoulders. She pulled back, breathing heavily as she undid his tie and began to unfasten the buttons on his shirt, "Cas, what do I do? If Sam decides to go ahead with his plan..." He kissed her jaw, along her brow, anywhere but on her lips so she could continue to speak, "Cas, I'm scared."

Finally, with his shirt off and his chest bare apart from the thin sheet of gauze covering his wound, he laid her back against the bed. His fingers stroked the soft skin on her stomach as he undid the buttons on her shirt. "Whatever Sam decides to do will have nothing to do with you. I'll make sure you're nowhere near Detroit when it happens." He kissed her forehead, "I'll come and get you when it's all over."

Deb sighed and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his fingers gliding over her skin, "Why do I get the feeling it won't be that simple?"

He kissed her again, his hand inching towards the swell of her breasts, "Probably because it won't be." She felt him pause, and sigh, "Deb, I need you to help me. Show me what you want me to do."

Deb's eyes flicked open suddenly, and she felt her whole body tense up. She searched her memory for something, anything, any sexual act she had enjoyed in the past, but drew a complete blank. "I'm sorry Cas." He frowned. "I really don't know what I like. I don't know what I want you to do."

His face fell slightly and then his eyes filled with recognition. He'd witnessed her only significant encounters with sex, and he knew they'd not been enjoyable.

Deb sat up, feeling claustrophobic and finding the guilty look on his face almost unbearable. She wiped her eyes roughly and shook her head, "God, I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking screw-up. You deserve so much more than this..."

"You shouldn't apologise to me. You've done nothing wrong. And you're not a...screw-up, as you say." He took hold of her arms, trying to get her to look at him, "Since this happened to me you've been the only thing that has actually made me feel...good."

Deb laughed, "In that case, I feel really sorry for you." She shook her head, "It's my fault this happened to you in the first place, Cas." He turned his head away, and she knew that he realised that what she'd said was true. "Cas, sometimes I think I would be so much better off if I just did what Lucifer said. I mean, sure, I'd be dead, but at least I'd be fucking happy and _normal_. If I carry on like this, I'll never be anything else but a total screw-up."

Cas sighed, "I don't know what to say or do to make you realise it. But you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. I'm just sorry I can't convince you."

She curled her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around herself like she'd always done as a child to comfort herself. Cas stroked her hair gently and then stood draping a blanket around her shoulders. "I'm going to help Bobby. You should get some rest." He sighed again, picking up his shirt and heading for the door.

"Cas." He turned to look at her. "I need you to understand that I did want to carry on. I just... sometimes my head gets too involved in things and I kind of freeze up. I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to you probably, but it's the best way I can explain it." She lifted her head slightly, "I do want you."

"Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon." He closed the door gently behind him, leaving her once again with her thoughts for company.


	9. Get Down Make Love

Author Note: Ok, my apologies once again. I've been a bad girl when it comes to updating. I hope to get this finished soon, but in the mean time, here's the next instalment. Please let me know what you think.

Also, I'm struggling a little with my one-shots for 'Hell Is…' because I'm in a bit of a Supernatural drought while I wait to see Season 6. So, I'm taking requests. If anyone has a nice oc scenarios they're dying to see written, please let me know – I'll have a go at any character, but keep in mind I've not seen Season 6.

Castiel sighed loudly, casting a glance towards Bobby who was sorting through several bags that were on the table in front of him.

Bobby looked over, took the bait, "What's your problem?"

Cas rubbed at the stubble on his chin; it never seemed to go away no matter how often he shaved, "This is what they mean by the eleventh hour? Well, it's the eleventh hour and I am useless." He glanced up at the sky; the stars seemed strangely brighter than usual, "What I used to be…"

Bobby glared at the other man, incredulously, "Are you really gonna bitch to me?" He threw a bag at the ex-angel. "Quit pining for the varsity years and load the damn truck." He turned back to the other bags.

Cas bit his lip and walked over to Bobby, hands in his pockets, "It's not just that though." Bobby turned and raised his eyebrows, "It's Deb. I'm…concerned about her. Her history with men is…complicated, I know, but I'm," he laughed slightly, throwing his hands in the air, "frustrated, if you know what I mean."

Bobby grimaced, "Oh, so we're having _that_ talk now. Great."

Cas stared at the older man intently, waiting no doubt for his sage words of advice.

Bobby shook his head, "Listen, I have no idea what she sees in you, but she obviously likes you, so you want some advice? Don't hurt her or, angel, human, I don't care, I will kill you myself. The girl's had more than enough trouble in her life so far."

Cas frowned, still staring at him.

Bobby sighed, "Look, just try and understand what it's like for her. The only man who had any obligation to love her and protect her did unimaginably cruel, horrible things to her when she was too young to fight back or even to know just how wrong it was. She had to rely on strangers, on Dean and Sam, to look after her. She's spent the best part of her life on the road with those two and, in that time, you're the only person she's shown even a glimmer of interest in. So, just think how scary that must be for her, and keep your damn frustration under control."

Castiel nodded, "I think you misunderstand my intentions. I would never hurt her."

"Good to hear it. Truck's not gonna load itself."

"Thank you, I appreciate you talking to me."

Bobby swallowed hard and jerked his head towards the truck, "You might not be so grateful in a minute."

Cas turned to find Deb leaning against the truck, arms crossed, a murderous glare fixed on him. He stole a quick look up at the heavens again before walking towards her.

"Hey Cas, is there anyone else you'd like to discuss our sex life with before we head out?"

He shook his head, "I wasn't…"

"I mean, Dean, and now Bobby! Hey, I hear Crowley's around here somewhere, I'm sure he could give you some useful hints."

Obviously not one to miss an opportunity to interject with an obscene comment, the aforementioned black-suited demon wandered out from behind the truck, cup of coffee in hand, "You heard the lady, any time you need advice about that, just come to me Cas. I've been thinking about it long and hard actually…"

Deb rolled her eyes and looked at Cas, "This isn't why I came out here though, there are more important things for us to talk about."

He frowned, but followed her to a couple of rickety old deck chairs Bobby kept near his garage, "I've been thinking about the plan and…I want to help. I've come too far already to spend the next few days sitting in Bobby's panic room waiting for the world to end."

Castiel shook his head, "But we already agreed that you can't be anywhere near Detroit when Sam meets Lucifer. You don't know what Lucifer has in store for you…"

"I know. But what does it matter, really? I guess I'm just thinking that he'll be more likely to believe it if I'm there. He's expecting me to deliver Sam, right? I figure if I'm there, he's less likely to smell a rat."

Cas stood up, hovering over her, "No. Absolutely not."

Crowley piped up from across the yard, "Oh, so commanding! No, go on, it's the right tactic, son; she needs putting in her place."

Cas glared at the demon, "Be quiet."

The King of the Crossroads laughed, bending over and placing his hands on his knees, "No, seriously, doesn't it turn you on when he talks like that? As if he's about to give you a good, hard, smiting…"

"Shut the fuck up, Crowley!" Deb stared at him.

Castiel was looking at Deb now, his hands on her shoulders, "No. I can't lose you now. Not after everything. You promised me, you'd stay out of it, let me take you somewhere safe."

"This is Lucifer we're talking about, if he really does have something nasty planned for me, he'll find me wherever I am."

He was searching her face now, clearly trying to think of something to say that would talk her out of her plan. Deb moved closer to him, placing her hands on his chest, and resting her forehead against his own, "Please Cas. Forget whatever it is you feel for me. Look me in the eye and tell me that my plan doesn't make sense."

He sighed, sliding his hands around her waist, "It's difficult for me to forget how I feel when you're standing so close."

Crowley chipped in again, "Oh, mate, she's using her womanly wiles on you, don't fall for it."

Deb stared at Cas, "Tell me you understand."

He shook his head, "I can't. But, I can't tell you that your plan doesn't make sense either. It makes as much sense as anything else that's happening."

Dean chose that moment to intercede with a heavy handed slap to Deb's back, "Nice one you guys. I think that's what we need before the possible end of the world; a little bit of love…" He grinned and moved to drop his bag in the back seat of the Impala.

Sam stopped and looked at the couple, "Are we nearly ready to go? How about you Deb? Thought you weren't coming."

She nodded, "Actually, I'm coming with you. You know how much I love zombies."

Dean feigned a hurt expression, "How come you never come with me anymore when we do these splitting up type missions? Sure I can't tempt you with a little brush with Death?"

Deb grinned and shook her head, "No thanks, I've had more than enough of those."

"Fine. Looks like we're about ready then." Dean turned to his brother, "So, good luck stopping the zombie apocalypse."

"Yeah, good luck killing Death."

"Yeah."

"Does anyone mind if I interrupt this little gathering?" Crowley had managed to sidle up to them without anyone noticing.

"Well, it's never stopped you before." Deb quipped.

"Quite right." He held out an object to Dean; some kind of scythe. "Death's own. Kills demons and angels and reapers and, rumour has it, even the thing itself."

Deb peered at it, her face quizzical, "Looks a bit rusty to me. Are you sure you didn't just steal it out of some barn, Crowley."

Cas too looked sceptical, "How did you get that?"

The demon rolled his eyes, "Hello, King of the Crossroads. Shall we?" He made as if to wander over to the Impala, "Bobby, are you just gonna sit there?"

The older hunter glared at the dark suited man, "No, I'm gonna Riverdance."

Deb stepped towards Crowley, her fists clenched, "Yeah, low blow, you total douche."

Crowley laughed, "And you kiss your angel with that mouth." Before she had chance to say anything or smack him in the face, he was addressing Bobby, "Y'know, you really wasted that Crossroads deal. Fact: you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny little sub-A clause on your behalf. What can I say? I'm an altruist."

Deb kept her fists clenched, still unsure whether this was a trick. _If it is a trick, I'm going to pummel him until he bleeds_, she thought. But Bobby was standing now, sure he was shaky and still holding on to his chair, but his legs which shouldn't have been able to take his weight, were holding him up. "Oh my God," she muttered, staring at him.

"Not quite." She spun around to look at Crowley, tears pooling in her eyes. Then, quite uncomfortably for both of them, she hugged the demon, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She glanced at Bobby one last time to make sure her eyes weren't deceiving her, and then hugged him again. "Crowley, you may be a perverted, evil, sarcastic bastard; but right now you are all kinds of awesome."

The demon looked down at the girl who was still hugging him and rolled his eyes, "This is getting maudlin. Can we go?"

(later)

Deb felt her stomach lurch as the old truck bumped over another pothole. She glanced to her side at Castiel, only to find he was doing exactly the same thing. She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would take the hint and start the conversation that needed to be had. He sighed and nodded, before leaning forward to look at Sam. "Yes to Lucifer, and then jump in the hole. It's an interesting plan."

Sam tensed slightly in his seat before turning, "And it's the worst plan you've ever heard, right?"

Cas glanced at Deb again before shaking his head, "Of course, I am happy to say that if that's what you want to hear. But it's not what I think."

The confusion in the van was almost palpable as Cas continued, "You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. Dean resisted Michael, maybe you could resist Lucifer. But there are things you will need to know." Again, Cas stopped and turned to look at Deb who was studying her fingernails intently, "Deb."

She sighed and stared at him, angry for a moment before realising it was her who had insisted on this, "Ok, Sam, I kinda need to be there when you say yes to Lucifer." She tucked her hair behind her ears, careful not to meet Sam's eyes as she spoke, "Y'see, awhile ago I was getting a lot of visits from Zachariah, while I slept; he said I had to convince Dean to say yes to Michael. Then, later on, Lucifer did the same thing, only this time he wanted me to get you to say yes." She paused, chewing her lip, "I guess I'm supposed to be like, some kind of plant to make sure this fight happens. Guess I can even be shit at my own destiny, right?" She laughed slightly, risked a glance at Sam, who looked absolutely horrified, "The way Lucifer told it, I'm supposed to be with you in Detroit, when you say yes. So, I figured if I'm there then he's more likely to believe it, less likely to think it's a trap."

Bobby turned from the wheel to look at her, "So, you're what, working for Heaven?"

"Fuck, no…"

Cas interrupted, "There is more."

Deb nodded, "Well, at some point in this final fight, I'm supposed to die. I don't know when, or how, but, well, I guess you guys should know that."

Bobby shook his head, "Jesus, Deb. Never mind what Zachariah and Lucifer want. What do _you_ want to do?"

Deb smiled, "In all honest, I want to run as far away as I can possibly get. But, I feel like I've fucked up a lot in the past few weeks, months; and I think I've made things more difficult for you and Dean. I want to make up for that. More than anything though, I'm sick of letting other people, other circumstances, dictate how I live my life. It's time to start thinking for myself; and this is my decision."

Castiel took her hand, "Also, Michael has found another vessel. It's your brother, Adam. You must have considered it."

"Yeah, that right there would be one of the many fuck-ups I was referring to earlier." Deb shook her head, remembering her own stupidity.

Cas squeezed her hand, "That's besides the point. Sam, if you say yes to Lucifer, and fail, this fight will happen and the collateral… it'll be immense." He looked pointedly at the youngest Winchester.

Silence descended in the truck for a moment as everyone contemplated the enormity of what lay ahead of them, before Cas broke in again, "There's also the demon blood."

A look of panic crossed Sam's face, "What about it?"

"To take in Lucifer would be more than you've ever drunk." He looked at Sam matter-of-factly, "It strengthens the vessel, keeps it from exploding. The vessel he's in now; he's drinking gallons."

"Shit." Deb murmured, almost to herself.

"Ok, and how is this not the worst plan you've ever heard?" Bobby chimed in, keeping his eyes focussed on the road.

(later)

They'd stopped the truck about a mile away from their destination, Bobby was asleep at the wheel and Sam was rooting through their equipment. Deb sat quietly on the curb, reading under the light of a single street lamp. Castiel sat next to her, gesturing towards her with a brown paper bag, "You should eat."

"Thanks Cas." She placed the book down and accepted the food.

"You did well earlier, Deb."

"Yeah, well, thanks for backing me up. There was a part of me that wasn't sure you'd be able to understand." She crossed her hands in her lap, studying him.

"Something you said, about it being time to think for yourself. It reminded me of something similar someone said to me once." He shrugged, "Turns out they were right."

Deb nodded, "Who said that to you?"

"Just an old friend. In the end, I'm not sure she would approve of a lot of the choices I've made; but the important thing is that they were _my_ choices." He smiled reassuringly at Deb.

"Good for you Cas." She pulled a sandwich out of the bag. "I just hope I can be as brave as you when it comes down to it; 'cos right now, I gotta tell you, I am shit scared."

He placed a hand on her shoulder, "Being brave is not about being unafraid. It's about doing the right thing even when you are."

She smiled, "Yeah, cos I have such a good track record with that." She leaned against him then, allowing him to put his arm around her. She stayed that way for the next few hours, waiting for the sun to come up over the horizon.

(later)

Deb leaned against the back of Bobby's seat as she peered through the windshield at the truck depot in front of them. Bobby lowered the binoculars and pointed, "Ok, first truck doesn't leave for an hour. So, we get in.."

Castiel pointed at a different truck, "Er, that truck is leaving."

Bobby stared at the offending vehicle, "Balls!" Deb watched the thoughts ticking away in his mind, "Ok, new plan, you two go and stop that truck. Me and Sam are going in."

So it was that Deb found herself ducking between storage crates, following Cas across the yard until finally she was inching along the side of the truck which had stalled at the gates. Cas was standing under the driver's side window ahead of her. She held her breath, cradled her gun closer to her body as she watched him boost himself up, slamming the butt of his rifle into the driver's face and taking out the gate controls in a similar fashion. She smiled as he turned to look at her, _ok, maybe there is a speck of angel left in him after all then_, she thought.

He shouted a warning, but too late and Deb found herself sprawled on the floor before she had chance to react. She rolled over just in time to get a glimpse of the red eyes, pale face, mouth and teeth dripping with gore before the thing lunged at her again. She kicked out, catching the thing squarely in the jaw and knocking it off course for a moment. She knew Cas was heading towards her, but also knew it would be too late by the time he reached her. She fumbled with the gun, pulling it towards her, jamming her finger into the trigger and firing blindly. She shot caught it directly under the chin as it dived at her; and she watched as its head exploded like an overripe melon.

Cas skidded to the floor next to her, "Are you alright?" He took in the mess in front of him, the bits of zombie flesh in her hair, "Nice shot."

She smiled, "Thanks". She accepted the hand he offered, pulling herself to her feet.

He looked around, warily. "We should be careful, there will be more of them."

Deb glanced at him, resting her rifle on her shoulder, "Y'know, Crowley was right. You can be quite commanding when you want to be."

He looked at her with that confused expression that was so natural for him; he always looked like he wasn't sure whether to smile and accept the compliment or be annoyed because he was the butt of the joke again.

She rolled her eyes, "It's ok, you don't need to look at me like that. It was a compliment – I like it." She smirked.

Cas nodded, once, then pointed over her shoulder, "Good. Now, shoot those zombies."

(later)

Deb dropped her gun to the floor, placing her hands on her knees and drawing in huge gasps of air.

Cas kicked at one of the many zombies she'd blasted moments before, checking for signs of…unlife. He turned to look at her, "You're pretty good with that thing." He gestured to the gun.

She straightened up, drawing a hand across her forehead. It came back covered in equal parts sweat, blood and unspecified zombie goo.

He looked at the bodies then back at her, "I like it."

Deb grinned, "Really?" She moved closer to him, only to jump slightly at the sound of distant gunfire, "Shit! Bobby and Sam!"

The scene they eventually walked in on was much like the one they'd just left. Bodies piled up everywhere. However, Sam was on the floor, trying to fight off a zombie and Bobby was clearly having issues with his gun. Taking everything in quickly, Deb stepped forward carefully positioning her rifle and taking aim. It was a difficult shot, she didn't want to hit Sam. Just as she was ready to pull the trigger she felt a hand on her shoulder, "I'll do it."

Castiel walked right up to the zombie, placed the gun next to its head and fired, sending up a glorious spatter of red and pink liquid that looked like a grotesque firework display. He looked at the smoking barrel of the gun and shrugged, "I concede that these things can actually be quite useful."

Deb gaped at him, amazed, "Ok, you are so turning me on right now."

Bobby raised his hands as if to cover his ears, but realised he'd acted too late, "I didn't need to hear that. Can we go now?"

(later)

Deb slammed the door shut and pushed Cas against it, kissing him soundly before he could even put his arms around her, "Does it bother you, Cas," she managed between kisses, "that you've managed to get involved with the only girl in the world who actually gets turned on by killing zombies?"

He shook his head, "No." Pushing her back and holding her at arms length he surveyed her, "But speaking of killing zombies; you have bits of them all over you."

She laid and stepped back, "Gross." She grabbed a towel and headed to the door, "I'll go and have a shower, you wait right here."

He shook his head, "I'll come with you."

Deb's eyes widened, "Are you kidding? Bobby will have a fucking aneurysm if he finds out you've been defiling me in his bathroom." She opened the door and started down the corridor. "Wait there."

He followed her doggedly into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him, "What Bobby doesn't know, won't hurt him."

She laughed loudly, then placed a hand over her mouth to stifle the noise. "Fine." Slowly, she peeled off her top and threw it on the floor, moving towards him. "I guess it makes sense in a way; I mean our relationship kinda started in a bathroom."

Cas frowned as he hung his coat and jacket behind the door, "No. Our relationship started in a barn. Dean shot me, stabbed me and then you tried to knock me out with a crow bar."

Deb laughed, taking his hands, "No, I meant, this part of our relationship started in a bathroom."

He smiled slightly, "I do remember." He watched her as she turned the shower on and slipped out of her jeans and underwear.

Deb caught him looking down at himself and realised that he was probably just as worried about this as she was. She stepped into the shower, closing her eyes as the hot water hit her, scared for a moment that he wasn't going to join her. Finally, she heard the rustle of clothing and then felt his arms around her, his mouth close to her ear as he whispered to her, "I wish you could see my real form. In Heaven I was so much more…impressive than I am now."

Deb smiled as she felt his erection against her, "I don't know, you feel pretty impressive right now." She turned until she was facing him, pulling him under the water, "What does your real form look like?"

"It's indescribable. But, still, better than this…"

Deb stared at him; at the dark shadows under his beautiful blue eyes, and realised she'd never been more in love with anyone or anything in her life. She stroked his face, "Cas, you look perfect as you are." She ran her hand down his chest, over his stomach and finally gathering all the courage she had, she placed her hand around him, "Besides, we wouldn't be able to do this if you were in your true form, would we?"

He groaned slightly, pushing her back towards the shower wall, "No, I wouldn't recommend it. I'm…bigger, in my true form."

Deb bit her lip, holding back a smile as she stroked him gently, feeling him push her further and further back until she was flat against the wall, "Bigger? Really? Sounds…interesting."

Cas's hands were on her hips, then one hand was under her thigh lifting her up until she could feel him pressing against her, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I'm ready. I've never wanted anything so much in my life." She felt like she could barely breathe. Afraid of how it would feel, afraid that he would stop and leave her. He didn't though, instead pressing into her in such a rush that he had to stifle his cries by biting down on her shoulder.

For a moment there was no movement as the two stared at each other under the pulsing water, foreheads touching, both breathless from the sensations they were feeling. Then, tentatively, he began to move, gentle thrusts against her, and it was Deb who had to hide her moans by burying her head against his chest. She watched him as he explored every inch of her body with his free hand, as though he'd just discovered something new and precious and needed to know everything there was to know about it. He ran his thumb over her nipple; as always, quietly attentive to the reactions he elicited when he touched her in a new way. He seemed to know implicitly what she wanted and began to move against her harder, drawing more moans out of her which he buried by placing his mouth over hers. She gasped when he ended the kiss, barely able to keep herself from crying out in ecstasy, "That's perfect, Cas, don't stop." She encouraged him, never wanting it to end.

He didn't really even hear her, so lost was he in the movement of his body against her, the feel of her around him; tight and warm. His arms were around her now, grasping on for dear life as though he'd never let go. Deb felt wave after wave of pleasure roll through her body; she jerked her head back, tears falling from her eyes. She'd never expected to feel this way, and yet here she was. When she opened her eyes he was staring at her, still pressed against her.

He placed his forehead on hers again; "This has made things so much more difficult."

Deb panicked for a moment, her heart pounding in her chest. _Maybe he didn't enjoy it, maybe I did something wrong. I've disappointed him. _

Cas shook his head, "I've never cared about anything other than duty and orders, never wanted anything other than to serve Heaven. Now there's you. I can't lose you now, not after this."

Deb felt the tears pouring from her eyes, "Cas, I love you. You don't need to say it back, but I wanted you to know before tomorrow…"

Cas stared at her, then placed his lips against hers, giving himself time to think. Pulling back he sighed, "I don't know whether what I'm feeling is love, Deb." He felt himself begin to grow hard again inside her. "All I know is that I want you like this for as long as I can have you."

Deb rested her head against the wall as he picked up his rhythm again, "That's all I need to hear. I'm yours, for as long as you want me."

He whispered into her ear, pressing himself to her as tightly as he could, "Forever…"


	10. Interlude: Save Me

Interlude: Save Me

Author Note: Ok, this is just pure smut. Sorry. Also, in other news, I totally ruined the end of Season 6 for myself – oops. But, damn, it looks good. I sense a sequel looming. Read and review, folks!

Deb looked up at Castiel as he continued to move against her, and felt a thrill of excitement run through her. If, when she was a teenager, someone had told her that anyone would make her feel this way; she would have laughed in their faces and possibly tried to inflict some pain on them. His eyes were closed, a small frown gracing his features; she traced a tiny bead of sweat as it ran down his jaw line. She had long since become contentedly numb, her body aching pleasurably from all the times they had shown their feelings, whatever they were, to each other. He didn't show any signs of wanting to stop though, and Deb didn't really want him to. As he opened his eyes she smiled and propped herself up to place a kiss on his forehead, "Hi, Cas."

Realising that he'd been so deep in his own thoughts, so lost in the new sensations he was feeling, he stared down at her, "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" As he looked at her he remembered their first time together in the shower, remembered how he'd said he wanted to be with her forever. In this moment it felt true; Heaven no longer needed him, so maybe it was time to start thinking about what _he_ needed. He was pretty certain now that Deb was one of those things. He buried his head against her shoulder, sure that nothing could feel as _right_ as having her underneath him did. He rested his head on her forehead again, staring into her eyes as he began to move his body against her; he loved the way she closed her eyes, rolled her head back, made the tiniest noises of pleasure. It made him feel strong, powerful again, when he was anything but. He didn't want to stop, ever. If there was a chance that they wouldn't make it through tomorrow he wanted her to know that whatever he felt for her was real, was as strong as anything he'd ever felt before.

Deb pushed herself upwards, kissing his shoulders, his chest, running her tongue over him and tasting the salt on his skin. She felt his thrusts get harder and moved her head, searching for and finding his lips and placing hers over them trying desperately to stifle the cries he was threatening to draw from her. As he had so many times that night, he seemed to respond instinctively to her body, speeding up and pushing himself harder, deeper inside her, making her feel him again. She couldn't stop herself, and before she could the words were tumbling out of her mouth as she clutched onto him as though he could slip away at any second, "Cas, I love you. If there's any chance we survive...don't stop wanting me. I don't think I could take it."

He didn't slow down, but stared into her eyes with ferocious intensity, "I can't think of anything that would make me stop wanting you." He pulled out of her, kissing her breasts and trailing his lips down her stomach. She still smelled faintly of soap; he smiled, remembering how they had stayed in the shower for a long time on the pretence of getting washed, but really he had just enjoyed the feeling of her wet, soapy skin sliding against his own. He sighed, continuing to kiss her, taking note of the various different textures of the skin on different parts of her body. Finally, he reached the almost-unbearably thin, fragile skin of her inner thighs. As he moved up towards the warmth between her legs he realised he could smell the soap here too, but there was something else, something he had always thought was forbidden. He quenched the urge to look up at her, to check that what he was about to do was alright. Instead, he closed his eyes, flicked his tongue against the red hot folds of skin.

She gasped; saw shapes and colours explode behind her eyelids. She had always expected this to feel wrong, dirty somehow; but with Cas it just simply did not feel that way. She held her breath as he continued, her hands grasping the pillows above her head. She had had female friends who used to talk about this, about how amazing it felt and she'd never ever believed them. But now, she knew the truth; this felt like agony and ecstasy wrapped into one, she needed him inside her. Gasping out the words her hands found his hair and tugged slightly, "Cas, please..." But, he didn't stop; he wrapped his arms around her thighs, pressing his tongue deeper inside her.

He groaned in pleasure at the novelty of everything he was feeling; licked harder as he tasted her, sweet and salty all at once, in his mouth. He had heard her, felt that she wanted him to stop, but the way her body was reacting gave him a different message; so he continued. He searched with his tongue, moving upwards until he hit a small, hard nub of flesh and the jerk of her hips told him this was important. He circled it, ran his tongue over it slowly, kissed it and he felt her squirm under him deliciously. Finally, he felt her body stiffen under him and he glanced up. He reached a hand upwards, tangling his fingers against hers and squeezing.

Deb watched him as he made his way back up the bed, curling herself against him as he came to rest beside her. She rested her head against his shoulder for a moment, before meeting his still-brilliant blue eyes and smiling, "Thank you."

He smiled back, instantly pulling her closer, shifting her legs apart and burying himself back inside her. She laughed, placing a small kiss on his cheek, "How can you keep going like this?"

Castiel frowned slightly, beginning to move back, "I'm sorry..."

She ran a hand over his face gently, pulling him back against her with her thighs, "It's ok, I don't want you to stop. I just assumed you would have to at some point..."

He gently rolled her onto her back again, smiling as his lips played against hers, "Just one more time, I promise."

She smiled, nodding, "Ok, you've convinced me."

So Cas took her for what was supposed to be the last time that night. He was gentle this time, his lips never leaving hers, one hand pressed against hers and the other knotted in her hair as he moved against her. He didn't speak, simply closed his eyes and tried to remember everything. He tried to remember the sound of her sighs, the smell of her skin and hair, the taste of her kisses. He tried desperately to remember the feel of her, warm and soft beneath him, and the sharp aching he felt for her each time they separated. He'd promised this would be the last time tonight, but he knew he would keep going until he felt certain that, if something took them away from each other tomorrow, he would remember everything.


	11. Over The Top

Part 11: Over The Top

Castiel's fingers dug painfully into her arms as he stared at her, "Don't do this. You don't need to do this."

Deb shook her head, rolling towards him and burying her head under his chin, her nose and lips brushing softly against his neck, "I don't want to Cas. If I could, I would stay here with you forever." The way she curled against him was almost child-like; her need for comfort in that moment far outweighing any other desires she harboured for him. They'd both been awake since the early hours of the morning and her mind felt numb from the intensity with which he'd argued with her, tried to prevent her from going through with her plan to go with Sam when he presented himself to Lucifer. She felt tired, wanted to remain wrapped in his warmth for just a little while longer.

It was Castiel's turn to shake his head, "This is madness." He looked up at the ceiling, listening to her quiet breathing as she rested her head on his chest, "I wish I'd never let you end up here. Wish I'd never even let you meet the Winchesters."

She ran a hand over his chest, felt the muscles tense slightly under her fingertips, "What do you mean?"

"You said it yourself once; that I should have saved you, stopped your father doing what he did." Cas cleared his throat. "Well, I wish I had. I could have taken you away from all of this."

Deb felt a tear roll down her cheek, landing on his chest and tracing a translucent path across his skin, "I don't regret any of it. I wouldn't change it. Not anymore."

Castiel sat up, pulling her with him, "I don't regret anything about last night, or about any of the time I've spent with you. Please don't think that." He ran a hand through her hair, "But, this… I can't watch you do it."

She nodded, "You have to, Cas." She watched his face fall, finally aware that he wasn't going to persuade her to change her mind. She kissed him gently, then swung her legs over the side of the bed, "We should get ready."

He stared at her back, saw the faint red marks where his fingers had repeatedly grazed her skin last night. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the feel of her, but panicked when he realised that he couldn't get it quite right. He couldn't remember it properly. He was aching with emotion, finally understanding what she'd once said about sometimes feeling so angry, upset and scared that she could burst. He felt like that now and it was terrifying; it was more than he'd felt in his entire existence and he had no idea how to handle it. He wanted to scream at her, grab her and shake some sense into her. Deep down, though, he knew it would do no good. As she slipped out of the room he felt like he'd already lost her; felt an aching sense of total isolation at the temporary separation. He felt like he couldn't breath. If all they'd heard proved to be true and this was her last day alive, Castiel was uncertain whether he wanted to know what that kind of ultimate separation and loss would feel like.

(later)

Deb tried to block out the screams coming from the building, but the muffled choking sounds that followed were worse. Bobby nodded at her as he emerged from the building, closing the door softly behind him. "They're just draining the blood off. Won't be long now."

She smiled grimly at him, continued to chew a piece of gum which was doing nothing to alleviate the awful taste that was creeping into her mouth. She felt sick, and wasn't sure she'd be able to stop herself from emptying her stomach all over the sidewalk when they finally brought the blood out.

Bobby stared at the girl leaning against the Impala. She was so still, none of the nervous energy she usually had was evident. "How are you, Deb?"

She snapped the gum between her teeth and glanced at him, "Peachy, thanks."

He narrowed his eyes, "You and Cas…"

Deb nodded, "Please, Bobby, that's not important at the moment.

He fell silent, eyes flicking towards the building in front of them as the door swung open, "Ok, Deb. I'm just concerned. Just trying to look out for you."

She moved closer to the older hunter, her voice lowered as Castiel emerged from the building carrying an almost overflowing container of demon blood, "Listen, Bobby, I appreciate your concern. I love him, ok, I love Cas; but today I'm going to lose him. And I don't want anyone to know how fucking terrified I am, because it wouldn't take much right now to persuade me to just run for the hills. So, please, don't say anything more about it, ok?"

Bobby tapped his nose, "Our secret. Scout's honour."

She smirked slightly, stepping towards Dean to take one of the containers off him. He looked as sick as she felt, his skin pale and clammy looking. She put her hand on his arm, "I'm not going to ask if you're ok. It would be stupid, but…we're doing the right thing."

Dean just stared at her, his lips remained firmly clamped shut as he passed her and began to load the blood into the Impala. There was a time when Deb would have felt bad, would maybe have been a little angry that he was ignoring her when she was just trying to be nice. Now she knew that, like her, Dean just didn't want to say anything; because if he did he might have to admit how scared he was, might have to admit that this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. She snapped her gum and glanced at Sam as he passed her. She noticed his eye twitch as looked down at the blood; his hands were shaking like a junkie who'd just figured out where his next hit was coming from. She smiled as he looked at her briefly; dying slightly inside as she put on a brave face again. Pushing herself away from the Impala she turned to peer at the various newspapers Bobby had spread over the hood. She pointed at a headline that talked about a sudden massive temperature drop in Detroit.

He raise his eyebrows at her, "You sure?"

Dean joined them, following Deb's finger to the headline, "Lucifer always said this would happen in Detroit. I say that's where we're headed." Dean glanced at Castiel, who had been hovering in the background, "What do you think, Cas?"

Cas blinked, looking at the newspaper briefly. He opened his mouth to speak and then stopped; he looked forlornly at Deb, shook his head and walked to the passenger door of the car, silently.

Dean looked at Deb expectantly, "And what was that all about?"

She shook her head, "Nothing important."

It wasn't true. They both knew it. But, Dean also realised that his nerves were already far too frayed to deal with the emotional fall-out of what he knew had happened between Deb and Cas. He silently thanked her for remaining uncharacteristically stoic and unemotional. He chuckled slightly to himself, thinking of the sulk Cas had been in when he got in the car. It was almost like the two of them had swapped personalities.

Deb caught the grin on his face and began to smile, despite herself. Even when she'd been little; utterly withdrawn at times and violently needy at others; Dean had always had this easy way of finding something funny in even the worst situations. Whereas poor Sam had often born the full brunt of her anger and fear as a child, Dean had always managed to subdue her by wise-cracking or teasing her about something. It was comforting to know that not everything had changed.

Bobby glared at the pair as they grinned inanely at each other, "What the hell are you two idjits laughing about?"

(later)

The car ride had been tense at first. Deb had taken the back seat, next to Castiel who had seemingly been refusing to even look at her, let alone speak to her. When the light faded and she was no longer concerned about the Winchester's mocking her she moved closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder. Much to her relief, he responded, wrapping his arms around her and placing his chin against her head. She felt him sigh, his breath tickling her skin as he whispered into her ear, "How can you be so brave?"

Deb laughed, "If you could still read my mind you wouldn't be asking that." She whispered back. She let her lips brush against his skin for a second, "I still mean everything I said last night, Cas. I still love you. You understand that, don't you?"

"I understand…" His voice trailed off and she contented herself with feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath her. The sound of his breathing soothed her and she felt herself begin to follow him into sleep. Rustling and the sound of low voices from the front of the car pulled her back to cusp of consciousness though, and she smiled slightly as she listened to the brothers talking.

Dean gestured to the couple in the back seat, "So, I wouldn't have predicted that."

Sam nodded, "I know, from the way they used to act you'd think they hated each other."

Dean laughed, "Some of the arguments they used to have, man…."

"To be fair though, she didn't so much argue with Cas as insult Uriel; frequently and repeatedly. To the point where he tried to kill her several times." Sam shrugged, "Cas always stepped in just in time. Always seemed kind of pissed off with her though."

Dean tapped a hand on the steering wheel, "Damn it, what was it she used to call Uriel?"

"Big Bird." Sam smirked.

"That's right." Dean shook his head, memories flooding back. "Y'know, Deb can be a bitch at times but she was spot on about that dick, right from the start." He glanced in the rear view mirror, "But, look at Cas now. Ain't he a little angel?"

Deb smiled, the sound of their voices lulling her closer and closer to the edge of sleep. She drifted for awhile; at first her thoughts were full of relatively happy memories, but the nearer she moved towards sleep the more she began to sense the darkness that she'd been avoiding for the past few night ready to encroach and overwhelm her. She shook herself, preferring memories to nightmares for a little while longer.

Sam glanced across at Dean, feeling uncomfortable, "Hey, um, while we're on the subject, there's something I gotta talk to you about. This thing goes our way tomorrow and I… you know I'm not coming back."

Dean grasped the steering wheel, hard, "Yeah, I'm aware."

"Promise me something; you've got to promise not to try and bring me back."

Dean shook his head, "What? No, I didn't sign up for that. Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. You want me to just stand by and do nothing? As if I'm gonna just let you rot in there."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, you are. You don't have a choice."

Dean glared at his brother, "And the same goes for Deb, huh? If whatever Lucifer's got planned for her means she ends up in the pit too, am I just supposed to let that slide?"

"Yes, Dean. Whatever happens. We've made our choices. We know what it means."

"You can't ask me to do this."

Deb blinked slightly, could hear the terror in Dean's voice.

Sam sighed, "I'm sorry. You have to."

"So then what am I supposed to do?"

What Sam said next made Deb start to cry softly, and she had to roll her face towards Cas's chest to muffle the sound, "You go find Lisa. You pray to God that she's dumb enough to take you in. You have barbeques and ball games. You go live some….normal life Dean. Promise me."

Hearing it made Deb wonder how she'd ever managed to convince herself that she was the only one who craved a normal life. Sure, she knew that Dean often thought about Lisa and Ben, and the life he could have had. But Sam too had lost so much because of this life, and she'd never stopped to consider it. She listened to the dull thumping of Cas's heart beneath her and wondered if maybe even he felt like that. His old life was gone and she wondered if he'd ever thought about what he should do next. Not one of them had been offered the chance she had; and that made her feel bad somehow. What she couldn't figure out was whether that meant she was stupid for thinking about telling Lucifer to shove his 'choice' and take a running jump, or whether she was selfish for considering what he'd said instead of facing the danger head on like everyone else had to.

(early the next morning)

Deb stared at the building across the road; they'd watched the demons coming and going for the past fifteen minutes. This was definitely the place. She peered at Dean; wondered what he was thinking. "Y'know, I thought that when we finally got here that I would stop being scared. I thought it would become, like, another job I guess." She sighed.

A small smile appeared on his face, "Let me guess, you were wrong?"

"Dead fucking wrong."

He nodded, "You do know that you don't have to do it, right? You know that you don't have to go in there with Sam? Nobody would think any less of you if you just pulled out."

She smiled, "Thanks, Dean. But…fuck, I can't pull out of this now. All my life you guys have been there for me; I bet you feel like you got a pretty raw deal back."

Dean frowned, "That's crap…"

"Sam was right." She cut in, moving in front of him, "You deserve more than this, Dean. You never had a chance to be normal, whatever the fuck that means. But, if we can pull this off then you will. That's why I'm not pulling out, why I'm not letting you go in there with Sam instead of me. You've always, always, looked after everyone else, particularly me and Sam, at the expense of your own happiness. It's time we paid you back for that."

Dean stared at her, "How did you….? You were asleep during that conversation!"

"I was just pretending." She grinned.

"God, you're annoying." He muttered. "You know, I'm kinda glad you're going to be there with him. From what I remember you've always had a special way of dealing with angels." His eyes flicked towards Cas, who was milling around behind them, "Still do."

Deb laughed, "Yeah, I think I've refined my technique over the years though."

Dean raised his eyebrows, "I hope you're not suggesting you're going to seduce Lucifer, in my brother's meat suit no less, back into his cage?"

"Don't push your luck, Dean." She warned.

He held his hands up in mock surrender, "Listen, you and Cas probably have things you need to say to each other before we go any further."

Deb nodded, placing a hand briefly on his arm before turning to walk away.

"Deb?" She stopped and looked back. "Just, don't die, ok? Or, try your best not to anyway."

She smiled wryly, threw him a mock salute and then walked towards Cas who had propped himself up against Bobby's van. She leaned next to him, crossed her arms, "Hey Cas, do you remember when I used to call Uriel "Big Bird"?"

He sighed, "Yes. It used to annoy him greatly. He used to talk often about wanting to kill you. I can admit now, that I found it at least slightly humorous." The ghost of a smile crossed his face, "I have a question. How…. When you lose someone you care about, how do you feel? And, how do you cope with the feelings?"

Deb stared at him, "I don't know the answer to those questions, Cas."

He shook his head, stared down at his shoes, "I can't…"

Deb put her hands on his shoulders, trying to make him look at her, "Listen, stop talking like this. We are not saying goodbye yet, Cas."

"I just need more time. One more night…."

She sighed, "Trust me. I feel like that too. But it wouldn't be enough, not really. The best we can do is concentrate on winning here; if we can do that then we have all the time we need."

He nodded, finally meeting her eyes, "So, if we do win. What happens then?"

Deb sighed and rested her forehead against his, "Whatever you want."

Before she could protest he'd picked her up and turned her so that her back was resting against the truck, "In that case, what I want would be you, a bed and a door that locks, for at least a week."

She laughed, "Well, that's not very angelic."

"Good thing I'm not an angel then." He murmured, kissing her neck.

Sam chose that moment to wander round the corner; swiftly muttering his apologies when he saw the couple locked in an embrace, "Shit guys, I'm sorry."

Cas almost growled in frustration, "Go away, Sam."

Deb laughed and pushed him back, "That's really not very nice. You guys should talk." She moved away, walking back towards the Impala, "Sam I'll wait for you by the car. Cas, " he looked at her with a strange mix of desire and sadness in his eyes, "I _will _see you later. Start looking for a door that locks."

Walking to the trunk of the Impala she gazed down at the containers of opaque, ruby liquid. She wondered, for a perverse moment, what it would taste like; whether she would feel anything other than sick to her stomach if she drank some of it.

"What are you thinking about?" Sam appeared by her side.

"I was wondering what it tastes like." She replied honestly, deciding that it was probably a little late to be worrying what anyone thought about her.

He laughed, "Trust me, you should stick with gin. It might not give you superpowers, but the morning after the night before regrets are nowhere near as bad."

"Advice duly noted." She looked up at him, strangely struck for a moment by how tall he was, as if she'd never noticed before. "Have you spoken to everyone you need to?"

He nodded, "Yes. I'm as ready as I'm ever gonna be. You?"

"Yeah. What I said to Cas though; it was a total brush off." She tucked her hair behind her ears, "God, Sam, how do you explain death and grief to a guy that was an angel up until fairly recently?"

He shook his head and shrugged, throwing an arm round her shoulders.

"I should… let you get on with this." She murmured, hugging him briefly and turning to leave.

He grabbed her hand, "I didn't want Dean to see me do this but, if you think you can, I would like you to stay."

Deb stared at him, then silently nodded her assent, moving back beside him.

Sam picked up the first pail full of blood, and paused, "Just in case you didn't know, I'm glad I don't have to do any of this alone."

Then he began to drink.


	12. In My Time of Dying

In My Time Of Dying

As she stared at him, standing as still as a statue by the window, Deb began to wonder whether this was indeed the worst plan in the world. Carefully, she ran her fingers over the rings in her pocket; felt the smooth metal heat up with a magical life of its own.

When he spoke it was with the quiet, sibilant hiss of a snake ready to strike, "Hey guys, nice of you to drop in. Sorry if it's a bit chilly, most people think I burn hot, when it's actually quite the opposite."

Deb snorted back a laugh, "Fascinating," she muttered, feeling the breath catch in her throat as he turned to look at her. He stepped forward, and almost unconsciously she moved slightly behind Sam.

He caught the movement, and smiled slightly, "Let me understand something. I mean, stomping through my front door is a little suicidal, don't you think?"

Deb licked her lips, tried to swallow the fear that threatened to render her speechless, "We're not here to fight."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, "No? Then why are you?"

She turned the rings in her pocket, listened to her own voice come out much quieter than she'd hoped, "We're here because you said this is how it should happen. You told me this would happen in Detroit." Her words floated away to nothingness, and she was met with a stony silence for a moment.

He turned back to the window, running a finger through the film of condensation covering the glass, " 'Scuse me?"

Deb bit her lip, shook her head, "You son of a bitch; why are you…"

Sam cut her off, moving towards Lucifer as he spoke, "We're here to say yes. Do you understand? This is what you wanted all along, so maybe you should stop playing around."

Lucifer looked stunned for a moment, then shook his head, "Well, I expected the attitude from her, but not from you, Sam. Chock full of Ovaltine, are we?"

Deb glanced up at Sam for a split second, and didn't like what she saw. He looked angry; his eyes burning with some kind of inhuman light, full of the rage he'd only barely managed to keep contained up to this point.

"My answer's yes, do you understand? Are you still interested, or not?"

Lucifer raised his eyebrows, shoved his hands in his pockets, "You're serious?"

"There are conditions." Deb felt her mouth go dry again, as Sam began to bargain with the devil. She didn't like the way Lucifer's eyes kept flicking to her; the way a small smile had started to creep across his face.

"Meaning?"

_He knows_, she thought suddenly, _he knows._

But Sam was oblivious, or seemed to be, "I'll give you a free ride, but you leave her alone. I mean it; I want a promise that nothing bad will happen to her. I want my brother safe…."

"I know you have the rings, Deb." Lucifer's voice cut across Sam's and he fell silent. Deb stared at him, mouth hanging open, as he approached, "The Horsemen's rings. Magic keys to my cage. Ring a bell?"

She felt her eyes begin to water, "I'm sorry…"

He shook his head, "It's very disappointing. I thought we understood each other, you and I."

She let out a sob as she recognised the very same words Cas had once said to her, right after she'd betrayed him and given Adam to Zachariah.

"And you, Sam. I've never lied to you. At least pay me the same respect." He turned to the window, still shaking his head, playing the injured party.

Sam stared at Deb; saw her shoulder shaking slightly, one hand covering her eyes. He turned to Lucifer, "This wasn't her idea. You can't punish her for this…"

Lucifer interjected again, strolling over to Sam and slapping him on the back as though they were lifelong friends. He threw one arm around an inconsolable Deb, "It's ok. I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin'. I like the idea."

He shook Deb slightly in an act of false companionship, "I almost wish it had been your plan." He turned back to Sam, "Just you and me. One round. No tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win, well, then I win."

Deb wiped the tears from he eyes and pushed Lucifer away, "No. Deal's off. Sam, we're going."

Lucifer laughed, "Be sensible, Deb. You've played your part relatively well up to now. Don't do anything…rash."

"He's right." Deb turned to stare at Sam. "So he knows. It doesn't change anything. We don't have any other choice."

She shook her head, felt like the world was moving in comical slow motion as she moved towards Sam. Her next words were barely formed on her lips before she heard him utter the one word that would potentially seal the fate of humanity. Her heart fell. Her hand reached Sam's arm as the room began to shake and she reeled away from him, covering her eyes as pure white light filled the room, threatening to creep between her fingers; burn the eyes right out of her skull. As she fell to her knees she wondered whether this was it; whether she was going to go out in a literal blaze of glory. The room around her felt cold, freezing in fact, but she couldn't move her hands from her face. She thought about Cas; whether he was watching outside, whether he knew that their time together was over, that she'd lied so she wouldn't have to explain to him how loss felt.

Suddenly the room fell still around her; the only sound the tinkling of shattered glass falling from the window frames. She gave herself a moment to take in the strangely numb sensation that was sweeping over her. Readjusted to the idea that she was still in possession of all her limbs. Then, she fumbled in her pocket for the rings, drawing them out, remembering the words that she'd practiced with Dean. He'd made her recite them to him for at least two hours earlier in the day, saying that if she made too many mistakes then she wouldn't be going in. It wasn't surprising then that despite her fear, the words rolled off her tongue effortlessly.

She almost clapped her hands in delight as she hurled the rings at the nearest wall and immediately a whirling vortex opened and she was buffeted from side to side. Despite everything a small part of her had expected the rings not to work.

"You did it…Deb, I can feel him inside my head." Sam was beside her, staring into the void, his eyes illuminated by the strange electric blue flashes emanating from the opening.

She pulled him into a hug, not daring to look directly into his eyes, "Then why are you still standing here, you moron?" She laughed, pushing him away, "Go now, Sam."

Deb watched him approach the hole, sniffing back tears, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. The thought only momentarily entered her mind that Sam had defeated Lucifer amazingly quickly. She hated herself for feeling it, but as Sam approached the entrance to Hell, she could almost smell freedom. A few more steps and it would all, finally, be over.

She'd just started to imagine running out of the building; the last few moment left behind like a bad dream; back to the others, back to Cas. His voice was like a brutal full-stop, marking the end of any ideas she had about walking off into the sunset, "I was just messing with you, Deb. Sammy's long gone."

Her breath felt like it was trapped in her lungs as she watched him close the gateway. She struggled to say something, anything, but her tongue felt like it had stopped working entirely and she couldn't form the words. She could only stare at the newly blank wall whilst Sam Winchester, the boy she'd grown up with, laughed.

"Oh come on, you didn't really think he could win, did you?"

She turned to look at him, her eyes blank and dull. "I understand, I do, you always looked up to him, didn't you? Sam always knows what to do, always says the right thing, makes the right choice. You really were oblivious to his failings weren't you? Too busy worrying about your own."

She closed her eyes as he smoothed a hand over her hair, "Don't worry, he's still in here. I'll even let you talk to him. Later, when we're done."

Deb felt something snap inside her mind and she was back on her knees, tears rolling down her face.

"What's wrong with you?" He looked amused and disgusted all at once. "Y'know, you really have no reason to worry. Sure, things didn't go quite to plan, but you were still absolutely key in getting us to where we are now. It won't go unrewarded, Deb."

She felt so hopeless she almost laughed, her hands shaking from a strange mixture of fear and barely concealed hysteria, "What are you talking about?"

He shrugged, "Well, you're the reason my brother has a vessel. You brought me Sam. I mean, sure, you tried to trick me, but there was no chance that was ever going to work. All in all, you did a good job Deb."

"Screw you." She spat back, now certain that the situation couldn't possibly get any worse than it already was.

"Be nice." He pulled a chair over from the corner of the room, and placed it in front of her, "We have things to discuss."

"No, we don't." She stared at the floor. "I don't want anything from you. I would have destroyed you if I could, even at risk of losing Sam forever. You might not believe me, but it's true. Since I've failed at that, I don't care what happens now."

The thing wearing her friend's body laughed, "That's not true. I know how you really feel." He pointed at her, "Right now, you're still wondering if you could make it to the door before I kill you. You can't let him go, even now."

He leaned back in his chair, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "I'd never have imagined it in a million years, y'know. A human, in love with my little brother, Castiel." He smirked at her, "Can I just ask one question? Why?"

Deb wiped a hand across her eyes, "Stop it…"

He leaned forward, "And he loves you too, he really, really does. I don't think I've _ever_ seen anything so unutterably…disgusting." His eyes flashed, "He's not supposed to feel for a reason, you idiot. Think about how he is now; how pathetic he is compared to how he used to be. You did that to him. And now he's no better than, well, you."

Deb stared at him, waited for the anger to recede. He smiled again and she felt herself release the intake of breath she'd been holding, "You really are messed up, Deb. I mean, the only guy you've been able to get close to is the person who witnessed Daddy dearest giving it to you all those years ago. What's that all about?"

She glared at him, swallowed loudly, gritted her teeth, "Do you really want to know why I love him, or was it just a rhetorical question? Either way, let me know when you finally get tired of hearing yourself speak."

He chuckled, "Ouch! I like you, I really do, Deb. I think you're…what's the word? Feisty?"

"Just rhetorical, then?" She muttered under her breath.

"No, actually. I really would love to know what you see in him, but time's getting a little short. Places to be, people to see and all." He fixed his gaze on her, "Which is why we need to start getting serious."

She bit her lip, "I want to speak to Sam."

He placed a hand on his forehead, "Well, I suppose I did promise. Two minutes, no more. No funny business." And then the almost perpetual grin he'd been wearing fell, and Sam's eyes focused on her, "Deb? Why are you still here? Run."

She shook her head, crawling towards the chair, "I can't. I'm not supposed to get out of here."

"That's bull. Just go, now. I can hold him." Sam shoved her towards the door.

"You're only holding him because he's letting you, Sam. He's too strong." She shook her head, "I just wanted to see you, to say goodbye."

Sam's voice shook as he spoke, "I have no idea what you're doing here. If I was you I would already have been out of that door so fast…"

"Sam…" she began.

"No, just go. At least try. If you're so hell bent on dying then what does it matter if he kills you going out the door or right there on the floor?"

Deb nodded, glanced at the exit, tried to estimate how many steps she'd need to take, how many demons might still be guarding the door. Finally, realising that it really was too far she felt fresh tears falling down her face. She was tired, scared and unarmed; even if she did make it out of the room she had next to no chance of making it out of the building. She shook her head, turned to look at Sam.

His hand was around her neck before she'd even properly turned. He pushed her to the ground, glaring at her, "I do seem to remember saying 'no funny business'". He squeezed harder and Deb felt something in her throat crumple and collapse. He removed his hand and walked away. The crushing sensation, however, continued, as Deb tried to force air through what little remained of her windpipe.

He smoothed his hair back, turned to look at her as she writhed about helplessly. "This is it, Deb. The end. So, you'd better think fast." He knelt next to her, "Do you want what I showed you? A lifetime of playing happy families with Castiel? It won't be real, but your soul will think it is. I can give that to you. You just have to let me know."

She stared at him, at the room; fascinated as, bit-by-bit, the world turned slightly greyer.

He groaned, hefting a foot into her midriff, "Come on, Deb. Knock once for yes and twice for no. Either way, I couldn't give a shit. I was just trying to do you a favour." He sighed at her lack of response. "Fine. There are a lotta souls in Hell that'll be really pleased to see you again. Your Dad, for instance."

It wasn't that she hadn't heard him. She had. And she believed him too. She just didn't care. She felt warm, and the kick hadn't hurt that much, just a dull thudding sensation. Nothing felt as real, as dangerous, as it had only a few minutes ago. She felt like she was floating.

Lucifer watched her, oblivious in her last moments, even to him. He looked upwards, "This is still a win for me. I have my vessel and Michael had to settle for second best. She helped me. You lost. And now she's mine as well." He vanished.

Deb closed her eyes. Her body stopped moving, but her mind continued to float down endless paths, all of which lead eventually to nowhere. The solid world around her disappeared; there was no more taunting voice, no more feel of hard, cold wood beneath her body and, finally, no more confusion.


	13. Bullitts Dominae

Chapter 13: Bullitts Dominae

Castiel held her in his arms, breathed in the scent of her hair and her skin. He'd have given anything for her to sit up, to open her eyes and stare at him incredulously. _What the fuck, Cas? _he imagined her saying. He lay her back down on the ground, rested his head on her chest. He could smell the detergent on her clothes, could even detect his own aftershave lingering on her from the embrace they had shared outside. This wasn't right, it wasn't fair; she'd promised that she would come back. He sniffed, sat back on his heels and continued to stare at her wordlessly.

Dean watched the angel kneeling beside the body of one of the few people he had ever counted as a friend. He was glad in a way that Castiel was taking up so much space beside her, he wasn't sure he could stand to get so close. Dean placed a hand on Cas's shoulder, feeling the material of the familiar tan trench coat beneath his fingers. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but choked on the silence that came out. Noticing something glinting in her hand, he walked around the pair, kneeling next to Deb's outstretched arm; he tried not to look at Cas, tried especially not to look at Deb's crushed neck. He grasped the rings, pocketed them, and then turned just in time to avoid emptying his stomach all over her. He bent over, drawing in deep breaths, trying to control his stomach. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, looked up to find Cas peering at him anxiously, "I'm sorry, Dean. I don't know what to say." The de-powered angel shook his head. "I don't even know how I feel. Maybe," he paused, "maybe this is for the best. Maybe now she's finally at peace." Dean pushed himself to a standing position, tried to ignore the smell of bile that was threatening to make him vomit all over again.

He looked at Bobby who was still standing by the doorway, his head bowed, his proverbial baseball cap removed. Dean glared at Cas, grasped the angel's shoulder and spun him towards Deb's body, "Let me get this straight. You think that this," he pointed at her, "is for the best?" The angel looked bemused, which made Dean want to hit him until his face split in two. "Y'know, I know for a fact how she felt about you, but I'm beginning to wonder whether you…." He shook his head, "You soulless piece of crap." He knelt beside his friend, took her hand. Bobby was still standing, shell-shocked, in the corner.

He'd said goodbye to so many people over the last year. Damn it, he'd even been dead and buried himself at the start of it all. The idea that he'd already lost Sam weighed heavy in his heart, but to be confronted with the only other person he'd made it his life mission to protect and look out for, dead; well, he thought this might just be about all he could take. Deb had been a part of their lives ever since the day his dad had brought her out of that house; a tiny, dirty, bloody kneed, wild-eyed creature that he had even been a little scared of to begin with. He'd taught her to shoot, taught her to fight, taught her to swim, even tried to teach her how to fix up cars, but she'd been terrible at it. All gone.

Castiel heard the words Dean had said, realised he was angry, but he couldn't understand why. His heart was pounding so loud in his chest it was all he could focus on, all he could feel. He barely even realised he'd lashed out at Dean, the punch nowhere near as hard as it once would have been, but hard none the less. He would have done it again if it weren't for Bobby, pulling him away. He realised that he was shouting, "How dare you? You have no idea how this feels!"

Dean was still on his feet, yelling back, "Screw you, Cas! This is your fault. You, Lucifer, Zac. Friggin' angels! You just couldn't leave her alone over this past year. What did you want, huh? To drive her crazy? Well done you, you went one better – she's friggin' dead!"

Castiel shook his head as the shame and rage built within him, and he pulled away from Bobby, hitting out again. Shame at standing by and watching when she was just a child, shame at leaving her alone to deal with that and shame at letting her die alone. His fist rose and fell again. But he'd made up for it, right? He'd made her happy; she'd seemed happy last night. Wasn't that enough? Didn't it prove…He felt Bobby's arms wrapped round him, pulling him back again, and he went limp letting himself be dragged away.

Dean's face hurt from the blows, but the angel had been imprecise; blinded by rage and pain. He moved towards Castiel, hands up in front of him. He licked away a speck of blood on his lip. "I shouldn't have said those things. I'm sorry." The other man's breathing was ragged, and he even looked a little surprised when he collapsed to the floor utterly defeated by what had happened to him and what was still to come. Dean placed a hand on his shoulder, "We need to think. We need to win this, for her. Cas, I need your help."

Castiel shook his head, "There is nothing else. It's finished."

_Deb took a breath, her nostrils filling with the scent of pine needles. The same scent air freshener her mother used to use. Her eyes flicked open, blinking from side to side to take in her surroundings. She noticed that her legs hung over the end of the too-small bed, and that a ragged stuffed teddy bear was clutched involuntarily in her hands. "Mr Scruff?" she whispered, "What are you doing here?" She sat up further, swung her legs over the side of the bed and walked to the window, taking in the view of the house next door. The Winchester's house. "No," she whispered again, to herself more than anyone else. The window was slightly open, letting in the smell of freshly cut grass from the lawns outside. _

_Thud. A footstep on the stairs._

_Deb glanced at the bedroom door, the remains of a rusty latch hung uselessly, taunting her as she heard another footstep outside. She tasted blood, realised she'd bitten her tongue. She raced to the window, sticking her head through into that lazy summertime air and pushed with all her might; but the window would only open so far, not a big enough gap to get out of when she was younger and certainly not big enough now. _

_Thud, a footstep on the stairs. _

_She turned to look at the door. So, this was it. She was back where she had always most feared to be, her childhood bedroom in her childhood house with her father's heavy footsteps climbing the stairs. Her own personal Hell. Deb crawled back onto the tiny bed, curling her feet underneath her as she used to when she was a child. She screwed her eyes shut, and did something she also used to do instinctively as a child, before she even knew that there was anyone out there to listen. She prayed. _

"Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother with Holy Fire?"

For a brief moment, Cas felt everyone's eyes on him, felt a shiver of mortal dread run down his spine. He resented the clearly rhetorical nature of the question; he clearly had. Despite this he found the word, "No," escaping his lips, accompanied by an over-exaggerated shrug of the shoulders and shake of the head. Before the terrible pressure started in his head he had time to catch Bobby's muted whisper of, "Idgit."

Then all he could hear was a loud ringing sound. It all happened very quickly, but Castiel distinctly remembered thinking that once it was done at least he would no longer have this sense that something was _missing_, a piece of him deep inside that _ached_. He distinctly remembered a split-second of thinking that the sensation of being blown apart molecule by molecule was one of the most singularly unpleasant experiences of his extraordinarily long life.

_ Deb sniffed, trying to hold back the tears. If she cried then she wouldn't be able to see properly, wouldn't be able to fight if he got in. She stared at the door, jumped each time it shook. She had piled every piece of furniture in the room up against it, tearing a particularly long and jagged piece of wood from the wardrobe to use as a weapon. It was this she grasped now as she watched and waited for the last defence to give way. "Fuck you, Dad." She yelled, "I'm not a little kid anymore, I swear to God, if you get in here I will fucking kill you." The yelling didn't seem to stop him, as he pounded on the door. She could almost smell the alcohol on his breath from here. _

_ She watched and waited. Remembered the look on Sam's face for that brief moment that Lucifer had allowed him to take control. How terrified he had looked at knowing he couldn't win. Deb wondered whether Lucifer had stayed true to his word, whether this really was a special place he'd conceived of just for her. If it was, maybe he was closer than she thought. Maybe she could still help. She raised the piece of wood over her head, thinking for a moment how bizarre this was going to look. Then she smashed it through the windowpane, pulling it back and smashing a mirror on the wall, "Fuck you!" She yelled. Smash, smash, smash. "Let me go, you bastard!" She rammed the piece of wood at the wall, "Sam! Sam! Wake up!" The wood was disintegrating in her hands, "You have to wake up, fight him!"_

Dean could almost smell his own blood each time Lucifer brought Sam's fist down on his face. He could hear bones snapping, could feel his face changing shape; he was just glad he couldn't see it; he'd grown fond of his face over the years. Surely this wasn't so bad, he thought in his delirium, being pulped to death by Lucifer whilst lying against the Impala having just tried to stop the Apocalypse. There were worse ways to go. He turned his head slightly, giving Lucifer another angle of his face to pummel. Bobby was dead, Cas was dead, and Deb was dead, what more was there to carry on for? Surely, he thought as his eyes dimmed, this has to end soon; it seemed cruel for this to be taking as long as it was.

_If Castiel had thought being blown apart molecule by molecule was bad, then he had to admit that being put back together in the same way, vessel and all, was much worse. All his senses burned as he readjusted to the simple idea of still being alive. As he hung there, he thought of all the things he had done, he had rebelled, he had felt, he had done things that no angel should ever do and yet, here he was. Resurrected. Again. As a breeze blew over his naked skin he remembered her touch and he smiled. His mouth opened in a silent scream as he felt his wings reform, then fold away, hidden behind his human form. _

_As he landed on the ground, fully clothed now, he heard his brothers and sisters whispering around him. "It's over. It's over." But, it wasn't. Not for him, he thought. He could still sense her somewhere, somewhere deep below where he was. And so he headed down. _

_He found her amidst the devastation of what appeared to be a child's bedroom. The way she was curled in a ball on the floor made him cry out in distress. The world seemed quiet around them, so he picked her up and carried her out. As they moved Castiel wondered whether this action was an affront to his resurrector. To go in search of the woman he'd committed his biggest sin with was surely a sign that he no longer deserved his grace. But, he thought, if it were so then surely they would both have been struck down by now. As he pondered he moved towards the safest place he could think of,_

and gently placed her down on the bed. He studied her for a moment, remembering everything now, from the beginning. Her anger, her smart mouth, their arguments, the way her fingers felt on his skin, the way she tasted, the way she felt under him. Everything rushed back, much clearer than it had when he had been human. He reached out a hand to touch her, placed a piece of hair behind her ear, and then left.

"Cas? Are you God?" Dean peered at him through eyes that could see again.

Castiel laughed at that, his thoughts currently were far from Godly. He looked at Dean's face, happy that his powers were up to their full strength again. He peered over his shoulder at Bobby who was also standing, wandering around dazed. Castiel looked around them at the field, "You have done something unprecedented here, Dean. Not even I believed… But, you have saved a lot of people today. I want you to know how proud I am to have known you."

Dean placed a hand on the angel's arm, pulling himself up, "Are _you_ ok, Cas?"

The angel nodded, remembering what was waiting for him. It could never be the same, but they could have some time together. He nodded, "I am well, Dean." He stood up, "But I have things to attend to." He pointed towards Bobby, "You two should take good care of each other. I hope to see you again." And he was gone.

(later)

Deb awoke with the taste of so many spilt tears on her lips. She had screamed so much that her throat felt raw. She heard someone cough quietly behind her, and turned. He looked the same, but different. He looked calm, peaceful, with the air of someone who had all the answers, or at least enough of the answers not to be worried. Somehow she knew this was an angel wearing a vessel – a super-charged angel, not one whose battery had run down. She walked towards him, "Cas, are you…" She thought of all the things they'd done together, the last words they'd spoken to each other, and felt her face flush.

He nodded, once, "Yes. I'm restored."

Her eyes widened momentarily, as she looked about, "Where are we? What's happening? Cas, I need to go and help…"

"It's over." He stated, simply. "I wanted to see you."

Deb bit her lip, moving closer to sit next to him, "Do you mean that you want things to be…as they were?"

Castiel answered, as truthfully as he could, "I have no idea whether it can be exactly the same as it was But, I would like us to spend some time together, here, before I am called back to Heaven."

She moved closer, linking her arm through his, which earned her a slightly bemused glance that warmed her heart, "Ok then."


	14. Epilogue

And stay together they did, for longer than Deb had expected. Castiel wasn't around all the time, sometimes he would be called away, although he never explained to her who had called him. He would always return though, preceded by the soft rushing of the air around his wings, and during these times they would sit and talk.

At once such time, she was sitting on the porch of the cottage he had brought her to after the final fight. She had closed her eyes and was bathing in the sweet scent of the wildflowers growing in the fields beyond the yard. He took a seat in the chair opposite her, and smiled slightly, "I felt so many different emotions, you know. When we found you, after Lucifer killed you. I remember that I asked you what it felt like to lose someone, and you said you couldn't tell me. I'm not sure anything you said could have prepared me for it."

She remembered the conversation he was referring to, her back pressed against the truck as they waited for the moment when she and Sam would confront Lucifer. As scared as she'd been, part of her had still believed she would come back. She had not wanted to talk to Cas about how it feels to lose someone because she had convinced herself she wasn't going to die. Deb looked out at the fields surrounding them, "I think it feels different for everyone. Depending on who you lose, and the….type of relationship you had with them. " She had hoped that her voice would sound wise, like she was an authority on loss, but sitting here now next to Castiel she felt like a child. "What did it feel like?"

Castiel nodded, once, "I felt like piece of me was gone. A large piece of me, a part I couldn't physically function without. Everything felt harder in that moment that we found you. Walking around, breathing, talking, and obviously it was difficult to find the energy to confront Lucifer."

"How did you do it?"

"It wasn't too difficult. You remember I said that I felt a lot of different emotions. One of those was anger. I was…..furious with you."

Deb frowned, chewed her bottom lip, "Angry with me?"

"For dying. For not returning like you said you would. We talked about it beforehand. You were going to return and we were going to go away together and find a …..a room with a door that locked."

He glanced at her as said that final part and Deb felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. They had avoided the topic of their sexual relationship since Castiel had brought her back. To Deb, it somehow seemed inappropriate to speak about it, what with him being an actual angel again. Until now Castiel had never mentioned it either.

He looked back down at the ground, "So, when the time came to face Lucifer, I used that anger. It made things easier."

"And are you still angry?" She looked at him solemnly, tried to get him to meet her gaze but failed.

He stood up, sighing, "Not really. I'm glad things turned out as they did. Although I am….my old self again and my desire to serve my father is the strongest it has ever been….." His voice faded away, "I have to go, Deb. We can talk more later."

She reached out a hand, grasped the sleeve of his jacket, "Finish what you were about to say. Please."

He frowned, "Much of the emotion I felt during the time I was human has gone, been consumed by my duty to heaven, my love for my father and my remaining brothers and sisters. But, there is still a little that remains, particularly when I look at you." He shook his head, "There's still a part of me that is angry that things can't be how they were." And he was gone then, the breeze hitting her face softly as his wings moved the air around them.

….

On another occasion when Castiel returned, Deb was busying herself by tidying up. It was what she always did when she was bored, or upset, or angry. She could usually lose herself in mindless tasks like washing dishes, or sweeping the floor and now was no exception. Moving to sweep under the counter Deb managed to disturb a cluster of dust that she must have missed the last few times she'd cleaned and sneezed as it floated around her. When he appeared in the middle of the kitchen, she put the brush down and moved to put her arms around him. He didn't stop her, but instinctively wrapped his arms around her. She stayed that way for a while, but somehow it didn't feel the same as before. She pulled back, sat down at the table and waited for him to take a seat opposite. "How is everyone?"

"They are fine, as well as could be expected, given the circumstances perhaps better."

Deb nodded, traced her finger over a knot in the wood of the table, "Dean?"

Castiel smiled, "Dean is very well, better than he ever has been in some respects. He has a normal life now. He's with Lisa and Ben." He stopped, looked up and closed his eyes, "When we found you, we fought. He accused me of not really caring for you, and I hit him. He hit me back." Castiel shook his head, "He was devastated. I didn't think he would ever be able to forget."

Deb frowned, "You mean he doesn't know? You haven't told him I'm alive?"

Castiel shook his head, "I haven't seen him. It's what you wanted, what Sam wanted, for Dean to get out. For him to have a normal life. If he knew you were still alive…"

She sighed and nodded, "That makes sense. But, it feels strange. I mean…. I can't stay here forever, can I? Where will I go when I need to go back? Who do I go to?"

"Bobby."

Deb smiled, "Bobby's alive? I can't believe we all made it!" She lowered her head, "Most of us anyway." Castiel simply looked at her, waiting for her to go on. "How is Bobby?"

The angel blinked and shrugged, "Pretty much how you remember him. Still hunting."

She held her hand up, "Wait a minute, still hunting? Why? I mean, we stopped it, the apocalypse. Or, well, Dean, Sam and you stopped it… Why does anyone still need to hunt?"

Castiel shrugged again, "You were hunting long before you met me, long before Lucifer escaped from his cage. What makes you think that just because we stopped the apocalypse that means no more monsters, no more demons, no more….things that need to be killed?"

She raised her eyebrows, "Yeah. Wishful thinking, I guess." She looked at him, "So, you want me to go back to that? To hunting?"

The angel stood up, and she knew then that he had to leave again, "It's what I would advise. But, it's your choice. I haven't seen Bobby either or at least I haven't spoken to him. He doesn't know you're alive. You can go your own way; make a different life for yourself. It's up to you."

…

The final time, when Deb believed that she'd been living in the cottage for about six months, Castiel found her wandering around in the fields and woodland surrounding the house. The spot reminded her of the woods she'd played in with Dean and Sam as a child. The woods where Dean had taught her to shoot and where Sam had taught her to fish. And where Dean had taught her to fight; her reward for initially sucking had been a collection of bruises in different variations of the colour purple. His reward for being such a good teacher had been the same. She liked these woods; they helped remind her that there were good things to go back to. She looked up at Castiel, "It's time?"

He nodded, "It's time. Are you ready?"

She looked at her feet, "Yes, I want to go and see Bobby. But, Cas….." She frowned, chewed her lip again, "What about you? I mean, I haven't asked you anything about where you've been going all this time, what you've been doing, what's happening in Heaven. When I go back, will I still see you?"

Castiel shook his head, "Eventually maybe. Not for a while though. The situation in Heaven is….complicated. I am needed here more than you will need me down there."

"And, I know you said that things couldn't be the same between us now, but, is that forever? I mean, will you always feel like that?" She wrapped her arms around her tightly, dreading the answer. When it came it was disappointing, but all the more cruel for offering her what she believed to be a glimmer of hope.

"I truly don't know, Deb. Just know that I care for you, and I will always be there if you need me. I didn't bring you back to hurt you. I brought you back because….it was what I wanted to do. That shouldn't even have been an option for me. We generally don't get to do things because we want to, and yet I did. That means something; I just don't know what yet."

She smiled and nodded, "Fine. Thank you. I'm ready." A touch on the forehead and she was standing on a familiar driveway. Rusty cars were piled up along the stretch of yard in front of the house and they creaked as the wind rushed through them. The smell of motor oil and twisted metal quickly, instantly, told her she was home. She took a deep breath, began to walk up the path, staring at the tiny dark windows as she went, wondering whether Bobby had spotted her and was, even now, stockpiling a collection of items he could use to test out what she was. Probably. The old boards creaked in all the places she remembered as she stepped onto them, walked towards the door and, quashing her instinct to just barge in shouting, "Bobby, I'm home!" as she would have done just six months ago, she reached up and knocked.


End file.
